Exhaustion

This is going to exhaust me. That or I'm going to eventually catch up. I didn't sleep a great deal Sunday night, nor last night. Last night the air mattress decided it wanted to deflate, so I woke up sunk down towards the floor, feeling a bit like I was in a water bed, at 4 am. Luckily, I had no trouble getting back to sleep. But I still feel tired today. I had this thought that what if this job sucks all my energy out? Of course, it's only the second day and I predict I will get into a routine and a rhythm with it and eventually it will be easy to not let it wear me out. But really, I spend about an hour and a half commuting, sometimes standing the whole way, and then briskly walking three blocks on either end, after having stood up for most of the day. What's important to me is that my evenings not be spent entirely on making dinner and vegging out in front of the television while resting my aching feet on the sofa. I don't even know if I'll have a television right away at my new place.

Point being, the next few weeks are going to have to be about finding a rhythm. So that I don't find out several hours after lunch that I didn't bring a big enough lunch and then have to take a detour on my commute home to get a snack or groceries or spend money on dinner out, all while maintaining a healthy space in my evenings for writing music and relaxing/socializing. It'll come with time. This week was bound to be difficult of course because I'm not settled in my own place yet. I still feel like I'm tip-toeing around this apartment, trying not to leave my dishes unwashed for too long, trying not to take up too much space in the living room, trying not to make a mess out of the bathroom, feeling slightly guilty about putting my feet up on their couch.

That having been said, I think I've made the right choice in living by myself. I had a slight pang the other day that I'd miss the company of my cousin and her roommate once I'm in my new place. That I'd miss having companionship and camaraderie. I haven't had that in a living situation in a while and, despite that fact that it's been a little bit of an adjustment for me, I have enjoyed having roommates to talk to every day about what's going on in their lives. I will enjoy leaving the dishes in the sink overnight, though, so I can relax in the evening or spend some extra time on that piece I'm working on or whatever. And I can invite friends over whenever. I have the space to accommodate at least two other people, maybe more. Some of the people I met at Farah's Oscar party live in my neighborhood and said they'd love to show me around. So, I already know I have one friend in my neighborhood. Karishma is two train connections away as well.

On the subject of the job though, I'm learning but I don't feel I'm learning (read: being shown) fast enough how to run the place. So tomorrow, I'm going to be assertive that they show me everything as fast as they can so that I can really learn the routine there and become a useful employee sooner. I keep thinking about how they still haven't made a decision yet so the impression I make on them is crucial at this point. I really want this job.

I think I'm going to go watch Monday night's episode of Heroes right now and contemplate missing DVR. Though, my broker did tell me that they can work out a free month of cable for me. I should look into that. Later for now guys.