Obligatory end of year post...

Approximately 12 hours ago I was riding in the dark and the pouring rain to Indianapolis International Airport.  Yeah, that was about 5am.  The cheap flights are always early in the morning. But it's a mark of how well I'm doing that I'm not only traveling to see my girlfriend's family but also my own in a few weeks.  Yes, I may still be buying the cheaper plane tickets but I'm traveling twice for the holidays.  CNN has been treating me well over the last few months and money's not as tight as it was before I started working all three jobs two years ago.  Finally.  I'm really enjoying getting to work there not just for the view out my window that I can't stop posting pics of.  The people I work directly with are great, my boss is great and I'm meeting incredible people in all the other departments and learning that I can find opportunities to expand my duties there.  Sometimes they even find me.

I'm not sure I can post the last voice over I did for them but I swear I'll alert you...no wait! Here it is!
So, that was a lot of fun to do.  The job seems to get better every day and then some opportunity like that jumps in my lap.  A few weeks ago I was looking up new music for GPS with Fareed Zakaria using Turner's massive music library at my boss' request.  And I even helped translate an interview in French with one of the survivors of the attack on the Bataclan club in Paris for Anderson Cooper's show.  Apparently, I've effectively used all of my degrees at my job now.  What?!

Anyway, don't think this means I'm giving up on being a composer. Oh god, never. One of the things I can count on is one of the handful of directors I've worked with that have varying degrees of prolificness eventually calling me for a job.  I got a VO and a separate music job from the same guy last week just before leaving for my short vacation in Indy.

I will say that things were a little touch and go for a minute there as I was focusing on CNN and not really devoting time to it. Also my laptop was on the fritz.  All that is fixed now thanks to my friend with whom I had been trying to write music with.  He and his wife and I jammed together a bunch in the summer time but when their respective semesters started school just kept getting in the way for them.  Turns out though, he's a whiz with Macbooks and I happened to need a new hard drive installed and a memory upgrade.  And thanks to all those slips and disasters I had in the past, my diligence when it comes to backing up my data paid off.  I was back up and running within a few days or so once we did the install together.

And just in time too.  Mohammad came through with a quick music gig, a track for his directing reel and I busted it out in record time cuz that's how I do.  The VO for the sizzle reel (separate job) was, inevitably, a mock movie trailer voice so you can imagine I had fun with that one.  One thing that I really want to do next year is chase things like that down instead of this sitting around and waiting for them to come to me. Obviously, that's going to require a different approach and perhaps some outside encouragement.

So, what else happened during this fine year of 2015? Well besides a lot of traveling and a new job, I now have a partner in crime who just moved in with me back in November. And that's been real nice. No more roommates, I says.  And guess what else? We get to travel together, beyond going to see relatives.  Next stop is Guadeloupe this March.  A French speaking Caribbean nation...with an active volcano. Sounds right up my alley.

Another thing, I plan on doing next year is writing more in the blog...which requires having more things to write about, so look out for that.

Of Musicals and Voice Over Auditions...

I just got back from my second musical in as many nights.  Last night, I saw the dress rehearsal of a musical that my girlfriend helped out with on costumes called "Life on the Mississippi," based on the book by Mark Twain.  A small theater and a small cast, it was quite a good show, the story centering on Samuel Clemens and the period of his life when he aspired to be a steamboat man.  Tonight, I just got back from Porgy and Bess at the Richard Rodgers Theater on 46th Street.  Starring Audra McDonald, Norm Lewis and David Alan Grier.  Yes, I said David Alan Grier of In Living Color fame.  The cast was amazing and it was such a treat to see the show and hear the rest of Gershwin's score.  All I had ever heard of that show before was, of course, the song "Summertime."  My general manager at NY1 has a sister who does a lot of art directing on and off Broadway and so we got free tickets to the show plus a cast Q&A at the end.

After I left, I wandered through Times Square, past Spiderman and the Naked Cowboy, back to the subway thinking about the amazing things that have happened since I moved here and how I remain in love with this city.  I'm in the midst of trying to compose a guest blog entry for my cousin who lives in Germany now on the subject of why I moved to NY.  I was going to write it in a single sit down but the process of typing the first few paragraphs got me thinking about checking in with the dream I had about 6 years ago to make this happen.  What did I think of the city then and what do I now think of it having lived here for 3 1/2 years?  I saw it as an adventure waiting to happen and it may not have unfolded exactly as such and certainly not right away but it hasn't disappointed me. One would think that all that dreamy-eyed optimism would have been dulled down a little after that much time plugging away and dealing with the stress of city life. But, these days, if I ever catch myself getting downhearted, whether it's simply annoyance with daily life in the city, or all out negative thoughts about my chances of really succeeding at what I'm trying to do, all I have to do is open my eyes and look at the city around me. I'll inevitably catch something that makes me realize what I find in this city that makes me want to stay, regardless of how little return I see sometimes in terms of success at my career.  I look up and see things like this:

...the tribute in light for the anniversary of the September 11 attacks, that speaks to the majesty of such a pile of concrete and steel and the embodiment of the souls of all the people in this city and their ability to pull together in times of hardship...or I look up and see the lights of Times Square and all the bustle of the city around me and think what a strangely complex machine this city is, drawing in tourists to gawk at its splendor while it churns on relentlessly, its inhabitants minding their own f@#$ing business and trying to get on with their day...or I manage to find the time for two musicals in one week and remember what a culturally vibrant and magical city I live in, and all that pessimism washes away and I realize how lucky I am to just be here now, doing what I love doing.  Doing it at all.  Parts of me wish I was doing more of it but doing it all should be good enough really.   

It's all about perspective too, I've come to realize.  I didn't come here because I didn't think there'd be any hard knocks or because I thought it would be easy.  I came here because I had to.  Fundamentally, I don't think there's any reason for doing something unless it's challenging.  (Obviously, I'm not talking about every day things like cooking breakfast or taking a shower, I mean the big things like career and lifestyle choices).  It's the same drive that keeps me doing yoga five to six days a week.  I have to constantly challenge myself to grow and become better at the things I do and how am I going to do that if I back out of something because of a few missteps or pitfalls? 

Today was no different.  I woke up and scrambled to get one voice audition in before they closed it (as you remember I was frustrated because twice in one week, and once after my voice coach reviewed one of my auditions for me, an audition was closed before the deadline and my work was not submitted).  I made it.  Then I made it to yoga for the noon class and when I got back, I reworked my current voice demos, placing music under some of the spots I've done, and stitching together more of the work I'm proud of vs. the stuff from my original demo.  Then I submitted to four more voice auditions.  Cooked dinner and headed off to the theater...but not before shaving my beard and playing around with other facial hair options...

...before ultimately shaving it all off....I don't know though, I kind of like the mustache...I was laughing about how much I liked it.  Katrina said I looked like a scary hipster. 

But I digress...a productive day followed by some well deserved entertainment.  I'm doing well and I'm still enjoying the city...even if I haven't quite crested that hill yet and become my own boss as a living and working composer/voice over artist.  But some day.  Meantime, I'm having a blast.  After 3 1/2 years, I can certainly say that my view of the city has changed.  In a way, that image I had of the city before I moved here has not been tarnished at all...in fact, I'd say it's been polished. And I'm able to see more in it than I ever did before.  

The next step...

I sent the letter to my landlord via certified mail on Monday, saying that we wanted out of our lease. The ball is rolling and I'm feeling pretty good about it all.  And about a lot of other things too.  Let's forget for a moment that I just hurt my leg jumping the stairs in the subway trying to catch a train, right before I'm about to go out of town to go backpacking.  Let's also forget for a moment that I'm a little scared that I can't really afford this move right now.  I've proven to myself over the last few years that I'm remarkably resilient and though I may not be entirely solvent, I am incredibly resourceful and intelligent enough to always find a solution.  So, go me and all that.

I actually sort of had an epiphany, or rather, have been having an epiphany, slowly over the last few days in a sort of it's gradually dawning on me kind of way, that things may be going pretty well even though I'm nowhere near my goals.  The thought occurred to me that I could be on the right track and still be pretty far from the destination, or in this case what I want to achieve.  And maybe I'm not going to be able to see the destination over the horizon for some time. And strangely, as the Universe tends to do to me on occasion, right after the epiphany becomes solid, I get some kind of sign that I've interpreted the signs correctly.

This all kind of started earlier in the week when I got thinking about the informational interview I had with that composer a few weeks ago.  How he was pretty much saying that it sounded like I was on the right track and to just keep doing what I'm doing, writing new music and trying to meet people and network.  It's funny.  It still didn't set in fully, even though I had said, at the time, that it was great to hear that from someone in the business who is actually out there doing it right now and has probably been where I am now and knows exactly how I feel.  The first chance I got to start doubting myself I was right back in the pits thinking I had so far to go and about how frustrating it is to work so hard and not seem to be getting anywhere, how things seem to be blocking me at every turn.  But then at the beginning of this week, I entertained the thought again that yes, I was on the right track, probably for no other reason than I was sick of hearing myself think negative thoughts. 

On a practical note, I realized that, in voice over and in music, I've been far too eager to jump ahead, often deciding where I want to be and trying to just go there directly, i.e. applying for jobs I have no business applying for and wondering why I don't get them.  Sure, I should have the confidence to apply and maybe applying doesn't hurt, but ultimately, I was expecting far too much.  What I really should be doing is, yes, applying for whatever the hell I want, but also taking the time to consider what level I'm at and having some realistic expectations.  Maybe figure out what kind of jobs I can get right now and how I can find them.

With voice over, for example, I tried for a few weeks to apply to jobs on Voice123.com but then I started to really get a feel for the culture up there and what it's really good for.  People who get jobs on Voice123.com, first of all, only supplement their income with those jobs and are typically the kinds of people who can apply right away, (i.e. those doing voice over full time and therefore people that are really good already), and be among the first submissions, and therefore be the first heard and probably most likely to get the job.  I have a day job and cannot apply to every job that comes to my inbox and even if I could, I don't have the chops yet to stand up next to people who have been doing it for years and years.  The same thing came clear when I was looking into Guru.com again, a site where I can find freelance jobs in both fields, music and voice over.  They have something called a Customer Acquisition Rate that affects your ranking on the site, and your likeliness of being awarded projects.  It's the age old catch 22 that you need experience to get work but in order to get experience you need to work.  Suffice it to say, these sites probably take a long time to benefit the people using them.  Sort of like a microcosm of our entire careers.  It takes a long time to be solvent in any field.  A lot of dues paying and waiting for that break. 

So, what I'm realizing is that these sites are not for me right now.  I was at Learning Ally today just finishing up my regular weekly 2 hours of recording and I decided that I wanted to try and chat to my voice coach Sylvia, a former regular at Edge Studio where I did the demo, and get some advice.  It really only occurred to me this morning, er, afternoon, when I woke up, that all of these questions I've been having, the what to do next's and the am I doing this right's could easily be addressed to Sylvia, who was ever helpful, though I only had one or two real sessions with her at Edge.  I was thrilled, back then, to discover that she volunteered at Learning Ally too.  Anyway, when I cornered her after my session, she was saying exactly what I was thinking, that these sites are good for practice but that even the people who work on them successfully only do them as a supplement to the jobs that actually earn them the bulk of their wages.

Anyway, the question that leaves me with (and sometimes narrowing it down to a question, even if you don't have an answer, can be satisfying enough) is what is the next step?  I keep envisioning where I'd like to be but that place is often several footholds up the rock I'm climbing and I need to look for footholds that are closer to where I'm hanging at the moment.  Sylvia told me I was on the right track with voice over, practicing weekly at Learning Ally.  Soon, they'll be doing voice coaching at Learning Ally as well but in the meantime, I may do some additional coaching with Sylvia.  And my new composer friend also told me I was on track.  So beyond knowing the answer to that question of what the next step is, it feels great to finally let go and just accept that I'm on the right track and, for all intents and purposes, I may just be exactly where I'm supposed to be right now.    

A year's worth of...

One more week left in Sunset Park. When I look at it like that, this finally feels like a year later. One lease, twelve unlimited monthly metro cards, and a year's worth of Time Out New York magazines. 8 months of job uncertainty, and 4 more of adjustment to a full time schedule, 11 months of amazing food in NYC and, after one near earth-shattering diagnosis of Celiac Disease, one month of grieving over the loss of Joe's Pizza, Rocco's Pastries, Magnolia's cupcakes, Ruthie's bagels and Amy's Bread. Three trips back to Raleigh, two to Upstate NY, countless train trips and bus rides, even some long harrowing walks in strange neighborhoods trying to find better ways to get home at late hours when the trains weren't running on time...I even estimated that I've probably spent about a week out of the past year waiting for the train in the West 4th Street/Washington Square subway stop and another week waiting for the train at 9th Avenue in Brooklyn.

What a year. How about a year in pictures?

Best of NYC

I feel like I've gotten one hell of a start here, though, I've been thinking about my current path and next steps and that sort of thing lately. It seems like I've gotten a dozen different directions I could go in next and I'm feeling more and more like the answer is not in which direction to go but in how many or how to incorporate them all and still satisfy myself. I've got my electronic music side project baking but also my contemporary music...which more and more I'm wanting to coincide with the electronic project. I know I need to revamp the website and I'm thinking more and more about ways to make a little cash on the side through selling scores or trying to license some of the music I have written and have yet to write.

I've even been thinking about reigniting my interest in starting some kind of voice over work...I've yet to use the word career with this yet because I don't know if I have the energy to simultaneously do that, music and my full time and freelance gigs. But enough people lately have commented on my voice (it's really deep, it's resonant when I want it to be, some even say it's soothing) that I think it's certainly worth considering and I think I would even enjoy doing this kind of work...Plus, the idea occurred to me today that it's something I could incorporate into the business of writing music for people. Why the heck not? Here's the pitch: I can provide voice over and music for your corporate videos and advertisements. Your one-stop shop for creative services.

Sound all right? Anyhow, that's what's on the drawing board at present. But not to distract from the musical stuff. I regret to say that the pressure of finding an apartment and moving have, at least for the moment, have distracted from any kind of progress in that arena. Most importantly, once I get settled I think I'll get to work on the website and also make new business cards. Will probably get new head shots done soon as well. More on that later.

For now, I'm going to bed. There's nothing that'll tire you out like the prospect (not even the act) of packing your things in anticipation of a move, however small.

On why I moved to New York...again.

I attended a birthday party in a high rise with roof access in Lower Manhattan Saturday night. I'm getting...I guess tired is the wrong word to use. I guess I'm starting to see a trend in conversations with veteran New Yorkers. I've probably mentioned this before, but every time I mention my having just moved here, my only having spent ten months here or my not growing up in a huge city in the context of my general positive sentiments about the city, I always tend to get the same response from these veterans. One of those, every one grins and nods their head knowingly and says something to the effect of, "you'll see what we mean in a few years" kinds of things. Are people that determined that no newbie should go on feeling enamored of this place or is it just that fun to hate this place?

I haven't gotten there yet. I still love this place and I'm rather unashamed of it. And on top of that, after months of loving it but hating my situation in relation to it (i.e. wanting to do more, meet more people, grab at every aspect of the city while feeling hopelessly confined to my apartment and the daily grind), I'm finally feeling a part of this place. I have friends that I've met here that are starting to really feel like my friends, I'm going out more and dating, my job is full time (which has been for a few months but it's really starting to set in with regard to all the benefits and the feeling of inclusion with my fellow full time co workers...e.g. NY 1 holiday party), not to mention the feeling of accomplishment that goes with all of this. I can't help look back to last year and relish in the boost it gives me to remember the helpless feeling of wondering how I was going to make it here without a job or an apartment lined up and simultaneously wanting to try and encapsulate everything that led up to where I am now. But it's so massive.

And no one can take all that away from me. Not in the course of some party conversation about how weathered and jaded they are by this place and how suburbia seems like a cozy option to them. Bollocks to that, I say! And Bollocks to suburbia.

Anyway, just saying it's not for me is all. One of the many reasons I moved here was to get away from the small town atmosphere. Another was the draw of the excitement of this particular city...which is why I'm still a tourist to a degree.

It's cold here now. I just came back from Williamsburg, having a drink with a friend after work. To get home from there, it's a bit of a hike, mainly because of the weird train connections one has to make. It's either back into Manhattan on the L to Union Square and then the N back to Brooklyn...or taking the L one stop to the G at Lorimer/Metroplitan and then getting off the G at Fulton and walking a few blocks to Atlantic Avenue for the D train. I decided I'd take whichever train came first and the winner was the Canarsie-bound L train, which meant the G train and that walk between stops that was so cold this evening. But I had major train luck and made the trip in only 45 minutes. Almost unheard of for a Williamsburg-Sunset Park commute.

Back at home, I'm thinking, in between all this new excitement, about Christmas and how this is my first alone. I mean, family far away, working Christmas, mailing all of my gifts and cards, etc. I've spent Christmases working before but family time (Christmas cookies and ornaments) was always a short drive away and never put off for more than a week if I couldn't make it day of. I needed to do something the other night to make it feel like Christmas so I wouldn't forget or let it pass by unmarked...so I put ornaments on a succulent plant that a friend gave me and downloaded James Galway's Christmas Carols (an album that I loved as a child) off of Amazon.com. It's working for now. Christmas lights might be in order as well.

Meantime, I keep trying to remember that there are supposed to be a lot of beautiful things about this city at Christmas time and that I'd better enjoy them. I'm occasionally stumbling upon the more subtle and tasteful street decorations and seeing people selling Christmas trees, always stopping to bristle the needles between my fingers to get that wonderful pine scent.

It'll be a different Christmas this year though and I was always prepared for that moving to a new city hundreds of miles away from anything familiar. Luckily, I have friends here, I have family here (a family member) but also I have all of these keepsakes; the ornaments that my siblings have copies of hanging from a plant sitting on my kitchen table.

I was up early this morning to get an MRI on my bum knee (long story there but I'm at least taking advantage of my new insurance plan), so I'm tired and delirious but I have to adjust to staying up late because Friday, I'm doing my first overnight shift at NY 1. It can't be all good all the time, I guess. I'm probably going to adjust to doing the shift and find that I like it. News 14 had me on an overnight and I remember slightly dreading that before it started but it turned out to be a gift to my music because I could work all afternoon on my music without necessarily worrying about losing track of the time. So we'll see.

An update...for lack of a better title...

Another semi productive day. After I decided to start publishing my scores on Sibelius.com, I realized that it'd be a great idea to compose teaching pieces for younger piano students. I've started to go through some old piano pieces and edit them a little and tweak them just to get a few out into the mix. Ran a few by my old piano teacher and she likes the idea so, on we go. This gives me a goal to work toward.

Also, on the plate is the idea of composing some choral music for the Unitarian Church in Brooklyn. I borrowed a hymnal to get some ideas for texts that I could set to music and picked it up today for the first time since I got it home. I also happened to open right up to the one hymn whose lyrics I remember liking when I was reading through the hymnal in the choir loft a few Sundays ago. Might be a sign.

In other news, I'm now trying to wrap my brain around some changes to my work schedule that are forthcoming. Mainly that I'll have to be working the overnight shift twice a week. Luckily, it's the last two shifts of my week and I've already started planning around it.

I've decided to look at this as a benefit to my musical endeavors. The steadiness of the schedule will allow me to actually devise my own schedule, especially the days I work the overnight shift. I may be more inclined to stay around the house those days and structure my day around composing. Sundays will be tricky though. I get up early to sing at the UU church (7:30am) and then I may have to nap in the afternoon to be able to stay up all night Sunday night when I'll work 11pm to 7am. Yikes! Then Monday morning I'll get home at 8am and sleep until 3pm or so, get up and work around the house, maybe do laundry, and then at 11pm I go in for my last overnight shift of the week.

Anyway, that having been said, I think it's time for me to start applying to postings on this site. It's a site where people can post freelance gigs and freelancers can bid on them. I've already been getting the emails and some of them have been within my reach and capability but I haven't had the time. Now that my job is full time and my other gigs are drying up, I think it's time to bid on a few jobs and see what kind of success I have. I'll keep you up to date on that.

Beyond music endeavors, lately, the big news was Thanksgiving weekend. Got out of the city again to see relatives in upstate NY. The folks drove up a day early (well a day and a few hours, arriving at almost 2am Wednesday due to some traffic in Wilmington, DE) and saw a show. Thursday morning we found the car had been broken into (rather stealthily, no damage to the car, thankfully). After counting our blessings we drove up to Queens to pick up my cousin and then drove on up the thruway to Coxsackie. The weather was cold and my family was fun. I ate a lot, as you do, and generally enjoyed myself despite another NYC head cold. Sooner or later, I'll toughen up and develop that immunity.

Came back and worked all weekend and week and now I'm off after tomorrow's shift and the NY1 Christmas party tomorrow night. Should be fun. I'll post about any happenings this weekend later on.

Day off...

I have a day off and it's glorious. Do you want to know what I did this morning? I slept in. I mean the kind of sleeping in where you don't set the alarm, roll back over and fall asleep at least three times and then you jump out of bed when you realize it's 11am but then sit back down because you realize you don't really have much to do today. It's great. I'm not even dressed yet. But I did take care of some bills and phone calls and made breakfast. Currently, I'm listening to Mike Doughty's new album, Sad Man Happy Man.

I need to get up and do laundry in a minute or two and then I figure I'll head over to the Brooklyn Public Library and pick up a book or two, wander to a coffee shop in Park Slope and read and work on music. I started to look at my string quartet that I've needed to dust off for ages yesterday at work. It was performed at my recital, as a rather lackluster closer, and I've known for a long time that I needed to do something to it to save it from the graveyard of pieces that will never be performed again for whatever reason. It's not a bad piece, it's just got some kinks in it. Mainly playability and a general lack of connectivity between the parts. What I plan on doing with that is, of course, rechecking all of my articulations and notational quirks and then chopping it up a little in an attempt to make a three movement work. This is going to entail a lot of new composition though which excites me.

And speaking of dusting off old works, it's time I got some of my scores out there in the ether. Sibelius Music allows you to post your scores for sale or just general distribution. So I'm beginning the process now of selecting the scores that I want to post for people, considering how to advertise to interested parties that they're out there, and double checking their copyright registration status.

So, I've got my work cut out for me and if I manage to get this string quartet finished eventually, I'm going to submit it like crazy. But for now, I'd better get on that laundry before the laundromat fills up with screaming kids. God save me.

Blurb #15

It seems like my blogs of late are always beginning with the fact that I've been working a lot. I'll skip ahead and assume that you've already divined as much since I haven't blogged in a bit. It's late so I'll make this short though. I have a friend coming into town this weekend, one who is considering moving to NYC in the near future, so you can imagine this is going to be fun for me. I've already been having these moments where I start thinking about where I was and in what mindset, etc. this time last year. There was a great deal of scouring craigslist and job search sites going on, daydreaming and internet research. But now I get to watch another friend go through it. From a different perspective. It is a great feeling though to look back on your own journey and see how far you've come, especially if you can distinctly remember bouts of hopelessness, where you thought you'd never make it and how you trudged on through them and how now you can say, I did it!

Anyway, other news, I may have a roommate for next year, tentatively speaking. Won't say too much because I don't want to jinx it. My apartment is clean and enjoy living alone but it's time for a transition in my lifestyle to something more cost effective.

And as for music? I've played my piano the past few days...and thought about some pieces. Really, I've been that busy. Sometimes the most creative I get is during my down time at work when I find myself drumming on various surfaces, which prompted an idea. Instead of buying a drum pad or an electronic drum set to perform drum lines for my recordings, it might be a cool idea to build a few drum pads into my computer desk and have them swivel out, have a kick pedal under my desk and have it all wired in via MIDI cables so that, when I get bored sitting at my computer, and I catch myself drumming some awesome beat, instead of having to map it all out manually or get up and walk across the room to a drum set, I could just play it by drumming on my pads and using the kick pedal under the desk. Sound crazy and like a lot of work to achieve something creative? So?

That having been said, I should go to bed...this wasn't really a blurb was it?

Work work work work work....

I did it again. I looked up and I realized I was in the middle of a 16 day stretch of work. This time the places I did said work were a little less diverse, however. No film shoots. Ever since I got back from Raleigh, 9 days ago, the bulk of the work has been at NY 1. And today I would have been off from work but Technicolor called me to come in and cover for the full time projectionist because he had a death in the family. Tomorrow and Friday I'll be working both jobs.

I've been busy like this for so long, especially since the last film score was finished, that I've been wondering when I'm going to get a nice full day to just dive into some of my own music projects. Over the past few days I have been tinkering with my new software synths and coming up with melodies here and there but I feel an itching to really get something done in the way of coming up with a compositional plan for at least one or two new pieces, either chamber or electroacoustic. I've said before that I don't mind (in fact, that I see the benefit of) working in spurts, an hour here an hour there. But it would be nice to really have some time to finish something. Or at least finish starting something.
It's going to be all about balance though, over the next couple of months to year. I need to work obviously so I can eat but sometimes it feels like it's taking away from my music time.

I'm increasingly aware that the next big musical step for me is to really start writing again. I've made a ton of contacts in my first few months here but I feel like I need to shift back to creating so that I can have fresh stuff to show these contacts and so that my musical output doesn't stagnate. That would be horrible. I find myself trying not envy people who just seem to have it going at this age so they don't have to work full time jobs for the man. But I also have to keep reminding myself that J.K. Rowling was a depressed single mother living in poverty when she was writing the first Harry Potter. Not that I think I'm writing the next Harry Potter or anything here. I'm just trying to find some like minded people to create music with, either for the cinema or television or for the concert stage and/or people's mp3 players.

And speaking of that kind of music, I had an opportunity to get together and jam with a fellow composer this evening but Technicolor blew that out of the water. I ended up working from 830 this morning until 715 this evening so by the time I would have gotten out to Fort Greene the first game of the world series would have been on and we probably would have ended up going to the bar to watch that. And I have to be up for the 8am shift at NY 1 tomorrow.

Soon, I'll iron all this out, my work schedule and whatnot. Then, I'll be able to more easily work my freelance jobs plus my musical endeavors into the picture.

I'll try not to get frustrated meantime.

And I had thought about, since this blog is a blog about being a composer, not bothering to write an entry again until I got started writing music and maybe even had an mp3 or two to post up here. But since this is also a blog about moving to a new city, namely New York City, I figured I shouldn't leave out parts of the journey that are happening now. Like the adjustments, the pitfalls, the mistakes etc.

So now I work for the next 7 days and then I have a friend visiting and then, I promise you, I will get to work on the many musical ideas floating around in my head.

Home?

I just went home to Raleigh for the weekend to visit the family. A great weekend all around. I can't believe my nephews and nieces are growing up so fast. They were loads of fun. All of them. And it was great having everyone in one place for a little bit to reconnect. I wish I'd had more time.

I felt a little different coming back this time. Moving to a new place is strange. Going back is sometimes the only way to realize how acclimated you've become. As I flew back in, I realized several things. One, this city looks awesome from a plane at dusk. Two, we almost always fly over my apartment (I can see it and recognize the street from the plane) and I half wonder if it would be easier to just parachute down, instead of having to take the M60 bus and then two train connections to get home from the airport (adding almost twice the time that the flight takes). Three, I'm comfortable here, at least more than I was. I had a blast in Raleigh but then I came back here to a fairly active social life and a full time job that will be starting soon. Right back into the swing of things.

It's nice. I'm still sitting here wondering if being full time is going to allow me to be as focused on composing as I want to be. I had all these big goals when I was freelance and I had the time to think (between worrying about bills). I guess I'll be able to finish them but I'll have to take a radically different approach. Perhaps just taking a week to set a pace and see how much I can get done on a project, a simple one, without thinking about a deadline. Then, with that in mind, I can get a better picture of what a realistic goal for how much work I can get done is for the next year.

I'm hoping to be able to post some music up here soon. Just some ideas. I should get back into the "Jams." I was composing, earlier in the year, short pieces of music that were, at least initially, composed on the spot. And then a week or so to really finish rounding them out and then spend the rest of the month tweaking and producing it. So, a song a month. I think I could knock that down to a song every two weeks. And maybe could eventually come up with longer versions of them.

I'm also planning on jamming with a composer friend pretty soon. He plays the violin among other things and we're both of the mind to create something innovative. So we'll see how that goes.

Meanwhile, my mind wanders to the question of what is home. I'm fairly grounded here but going "home" to Raleigh always gets me wondering what it really is to say, "home" when referring to a place. So many cliches have been borne of this topic so I will leave it at that without any attempt to add to the clutter of thought there.

It's good night for now. The new Avett Brothers album is pretty good.

Sick, and an update...

It's been a while since I've posted anything so I thought I would check in today and just update you a little. I have my first New York City head cold (don't worry mom and Josee, I'm quite certain it's not the swine flu) and I'm working a ton of overtime this week. I've been meeting new people though, through church and through internet sites which I won't name, and so have been getting out and socializing, feeling a little more like I live here.

I remember my mother telling me, when I was a little down about my seeming lack of social opportunty here and missing home, how she remembered feeling the same way a little when we moved down to NC some 25 years ago (wow). She had to leave behind a ton of friends and stability and, though we, as a family, did make plenty of new friends, she still felt like it would never be quite like it was back in good old Stanfordville, NY. For a time, I felt quite certain that I would never feel as comfortable here in NYC as I did when I was living in Raleigh with the friends I had grown up with or gone to college with. But now, I realize that it doesn't matter anyway. Of course, I can't replace my friends and the times I had in Raleigh. This is meant to be a totally different experience and in some ways it might even be better than those times but I prefer to just say different.

When I look back at the college years it's easy to see why everyone was so comfortable and friends were made so fast and why those friendships lasted. You were surrounded by people your age, everyone was excited and everything was new. Without something like college or high school to bring people together, it gets harder and harder to find people that you have things in common with. Hence the popularity of things like Meetups and social networking sites, speed dating even. Ha! I'm not quite there yet though (though I'd look upon something like that as an adventure and would probably only try it as such and never out of necessity).

Anyway, I'm sitting home tonight, having left early from work (for the second night in a row), and trying to recuperate. Paul and Rosalie are in town and off having fun, watching Avenue Q. I received a cryptic text message from my brother around 7 saying that "The Rock Rocks!" which I assume means that he and Rosalie went to the top of the Rockefeller center before the musical. I was feeling a little down because, in my zombie-like state this morning, I wasn't able to show them everything I had planned on before having to go to work (not to mention also feeling bad because they got a parking ticket last night because some cop saw their out of state license plate and decided that they were within five feet of the nearest hydrant). So, I'm glad they're enjoying themselves despite my work schedule and my cold (There'll likely be pictures as soon as the dust clears. I've not been taking any with my own but Paul and Rosalie will probably give me some of theirs).

But anyway, this weekend I shall come home for a bit to see the rest of the family (Jackie and Tim and the kids are back from Japan for a bit). That's something that really hit me this week as well, how much I've missed my family. We've all been talking on the phone but this has to be the longest I've gone without seeing most of them. Yet another side effect of moving out of state. Seems life lately is full of these realizations.

At any rate, the adjustments to life here are still outnumbering the moments I feel morose or out of place. I'm often noticing how certain things have leveled off, seemingly while I wasn't paying attention to them so much. Beyond social graces and such, I've finally got some terrific news in the employment department. I think it's okay to say this now. I mean, I applied to the job this afternoon at work, even if I don't officially have it, it's safe to say that, since they created this position for me, that I have it! A full time job. So, I'm elated about that. This'll make things loads easier.

I guess I don't have too much else to say except that I'm tired but I don't think this city has caught up to me yet. I'm still surviving and not burning out anytime soon. If I can make it here...

Composing in spurts instead of all at once...

I did manage to get a day off in the midst of all that work the past few weeks. Until yesterday, I hadn't had a real day off from every job including the film shoots since the day I got back from Boston. I guess that's what you gotta do sometimes. I knew I wouldn't burn out. So what's new since I last blogged in any sort of detail? Well, I've worked at all three of the paying jobs at least once, helped with the 16mm film shoot in Sunset Park (Saturday we were in Bay Ridge), drunk way more coffee and tea than I usually do, took one hellacious cab ride home from NY 1 the day of the primary election (I swear it took us an hour and fifteen minutes...stupid traffic), helped out with a rather ingenious workaround when our servers crashed at NY 1, helped out with the recovery from said crash, which entailed the staff of the media department re-digitizing all of the commercials and promos that had been corrupted, won my latest poker game, and tried my first bottle of the latest batch of homebrew, which was a surprising success. Good thing I have about 36 more bottles left. Time to brew more.

Oh, and I almost forgot. I've just about wrapped up the music for George's short now. I don't think anything remains but to give them audio files for each track so they can mix with the sound designer.

Meanwhile, I have to be at work this afternoon at NY 1 so I'm just sitting around the house getting things ready for that. Tomorrow and Wednesday, I work at both Technicolor and NY 1, one right after the other. This time it's a morning screening at Technicolor and then I walk up a few blocks to Chelsea for a 1:30 shift at NY 1. Cool how that works out.

Pretty soon, I'm going to start thinking about what music gets worked on next. I may just not think about it and when I get that first day where I can work on my own music, I might just dive into whatever I feel like doing on that day, whatever it might be. Half of me wants to splurge on the upgrade to Sibelius 6 before I get started on anymore notated music but at the same time, I shouldn't let software dictate what I do. I have the tools right now to get to work on the seven or so minimalist pieces that are floating around in various stages of un-completion, and the string quartet as well. I've just been...I'll go ahead and say it: lazy.

Back on this topic again, of whether or not it's laziness to think that there's no point in starting to work on something if you only have an hour or so to devote to it. I'm beginning to think the way to go is really to just dive in, no matter how little time you have to work. In the past few weeks while working overtime at my day jobs, I was still able to wrap up the score to George's picture, with ease, in fact. Why? Because I actually took those tiny time slots and did something with them, without concern for finishing everything I had to do in one sitting. It's all about phases when composing. Because it's folly to think you can finish everything in one sitting, no matter how much time you have to devote...at some point you're going to have to at least get up and go to the bathroom or eat something.

Anyway, I find it helpful even to just jot down notes about what I think I can accomplish at the beginning of each session. That way, even if I accomplish very little, I can at least have a minor sense of accomplishment by ticking things off of a to do list, and hence grant myself the momentum to come back refreshed the next time I sit down to compose.

This is key info that I wish I had had earlier in my career. I always had this mental block in my head at the beginning (say, post undergrad) that having a full time job would make it near impossible for me to compose, or at least to compose for a living or even as a side career. This is a fallacy, as I have proved to myself over the past year or so since graduate school. It's too easy to get overwhelmed by the size of your ideas and to succumb to the line of thinking that composing the way you want to compose is going to take you so much time. Such thinking is exactly what can trap you into thinking that there's no point in sitting down to work unless you have a full day of uninterrupted composing.

Sometimes, the opportunities to get up and walk away occasionally and go do something else are the best thing that can happen to your composing. I quite frequently walk away from my work, humming what I've just written and before I know it, I come up with another part to whatever it is, and before I know it I'm scrawling in a notebook so I don't forget it. Something that might never have happened if I remained in front of the computer, or the piano even.

So, that having been said, here's to composing something, anything, of my own as soon as we've wrapped this score.

And beyond that I have another endeavor I'm working on that I won't say too much about just yet.

Blurb #13

I was going to blog this morning but, it's still very busy and I've run out of time. So, a quick one. Things are moving a long with the score for George's short, "Peeper: A sort of Love Story." I have basically gotten the okay on each different cue that I'm writing so now, it's on to polishing them, putting a shine on them, as it were. On top of that, I have the film shoot this weekend which has thankfully been reduced to just Saturday afternoon, so in the midst of my 17 day stretch that I was casually bragging about, I get a day off, thus breaking up the grind and making it only a 12 day stretch. I work a few more days next week as well but I have Thursday off, thank god. I don't want to say too much but, I've got a ton of hours in place for next month what with the launch of our new operating system, and my boss is even trying to pull some strings to either get me more hours or a full time slot. I'll take anything in between those two. I've gotta go get a haircut now. More later.

Trying no to burn out, but having a blast...

The NY 1 music, all the stings and bumps, jazzy underlays and poppy promos, are buzzing through my head as I walk home from an extremely hectic shift. One of several in a row due to a huge server crash that left us all sort of picking up the pieces in media. Granted, I broke up the days with work at CNN and work on a film shoot that, lucky for me, wound up being located in Sunset Park (This means I've worked all four of my freelance jobs, both paid and unpaid, this month). I had a fun time this weekend despite being exhausted and despite it slowly dawning on me that I'm smack dab in the middle of 17 straight days of work, not always at the same job. I have 9 days left now.

The weekend's film shoot was fun for a variety of reasons. I got to work slate so the bulk of my work meant just keeping track of which take we were on and giving a hand with continuity issues whenever I spotted them, occasionally wrangling the kids involved with the shoot and bringing breakfast food both days (at one point I even had to go looking for an open 99 cent store that sold gray socks because our principal actor had forgotten to wear the same socks on day 2). And yes, I said kids. That was half the amusement. There was a flock of kids who came with parents, some of them with release forms already signed, and then there was a bunch of the neighborhood kids who would have been there anyway playing softball that day. So it was kind of neat getting to see and sort of interact with a cross section of the demographic in this neighborhood because, up until now, no one has really ever spoken to me in the neighborhood.

The second day was much better for weather, in fact, it was a perfect day to be outdoors, such that I didn't mind being on my feet for most of the day. Our shoot the first day had consisted of standing in the occasional drizzle, filming the kids playing softball and grabbing a few lines for the narrative here and there. The second day, we were filming a scene with the main character, (a boy named Mustafa, who was playing an Muslim child who was struggling to fit in with boys his age while having to wear the traditional attire), where he meets a young girl playing hop scotch and she tries to teach him the game. We spent the better part of the day trying to get lines of them meeting and interacting on two different days. The principal female character had her mom and older sister hanging out with us most of the time helping out as well, saying lines from off camera or shading the camera lens when the sunlight changed direction. The older sister was neat to talk to because she had been in several films as an extra, one of which (a film called the Babysitters), she said a line and managed to get the director to make her a principal and pay her even more for the day. Funny, because that can always go one of two ways; either you get made a principal and get paid more if the director takes to your improvisation, or he/she could kick you off the set. The whole experience of seeing these kids, on both days, interact with the film crew and show an interest in what we were doing made me almost wish that I had heard ahead of time about the movie Patch Adams shooting in Chapel Hill, NC when I was in high school. I had friends then who got into that one. I might have tried out to be an extra had I realized how cool it would have been.

All this time getting to chat with cool people and watch the park visitors come and go all day, I got to stand out in the beautiful weather watching the sun on the bay and the sailboats going by, for eight hours, occasionally clapping the slate and then erasing and jotting the next take on the board. It would have been spectacular, admittedly, if I had been paid as well but, in a way, I was paid. These film shoots with Joel are a great opportunity for networking and each time, I meet more people that I can connect with, not only for potential composing jobs but for other potential film and TV work. The cinematographer yesterday works at another production house that often needs projectionists.

So I certainly didn't waste my weekend, even if I didn't get much sleep and I'm half worried about burning out from all this work. At least the bills will get paid and maybe I'll put some money away. Let's hope. For now, I'll spend all day tomorrow finishing writing and recording the music for George's film and trying to wrap that up. Tomorrow night I go in to NY 1 to help with the primary debate coverage. City politics, oh boy. Good night all.

Technicolor strikes again...

I picked up a shift short notice at Technicolor today. They called me yesterday and we worked out that I could come in at 4:30pm since I was working at NY 1 from 8 until 4. I was excited as I walked around the West Side with Karishma, because this meant that I would be working all four different jobs during the month of September. NY 1 all over the place, CNN next Friday, shooting with Joel on the weekends and this shift at Technicolor.

Before I get started, here are pics from yesterday's romp:

Upper West Side September best

Anyhow, today was pretty normal at NY 1 and most of the day I was looking forward to walking from one job to the next (One of the five gazillion reason I love this city). Upon arriving at Technicolor, I pretty much had to hit the ground running, as the print we were screening was ready and so were the clients. I managed to screw up a few things in the process of screening this film for them, doing changeovers late, taking too long to run the film back, delaying the following screening. Things like that. But I don't think it was a big deal. Hopefully it might will show them that I need more time getting familiar with the rooms and I'll get more hours there. We'll see.

I've gotta cut this one short because I'm trying to get ready to leave for Boston tomorrow to go see Jeff and Debbie. Fun times shall ensue. Take care everybody.

Work and the impromptu tom-foolery that keeps me sane despite it...

An early, mid-week blog to sort of spew some of the contents of my head. I just had a shit day at work coupled with a great jaunt around parts of Manhattan with Karishma afterward, rounding out the day quite nicely while successfully tiring me out. I'm sure I'll sleep well tonight, that's if the stretch of 42nd Street between 8th and 9th Avenue will have mercy on me tonight and turn down its loud rap music and send its screaming kids indoors.

The shit day at work was really only because of a few misunderstandings resulting in a little bit of unnecessary crossfire between my department and another (coming from the other direction obviously). Nothing that a little perspective couldn't fix though. I don't usually buy into horoscopes and other types of mystical stuff but I read them for the fun of it anyway. I actually get one in my mailbox from a website that purports itself to be Buddhist (it's fairly close) but it's often tinged with a bit of mysticism. Nonetheless it's full of uncanny wisdom and today, it happened to really ring true. This isn't a horoscope in the traditional sense, but more just everyday advice, which is why I read it, because even if there's not the eerie notion that some horoscope writer is predicting my future, it usually contains some gem of wisdom. At any rate, point being, it was right on today and then funny thing is, the horoscope usually ends up in my email box at the end of the day so I have to look back on my day and say, "oh, I guess I could have applied that earlier this morning," or something like that. It's even better when it's telling me how to handle a certain situation and I find that, despite not having read the thing, I already handled said situation exactly, or relatively closely to, the way it told me to.

Weird. Anyway, enough of this. The example. I won't reproduce the whole thing here but it opens like: "You may be on the receiving end of criticism or judgment today, and this could cause you to feel a bit insecure or inadequate." Uh, yeah. So that happened. So I got a little miffed but held it in and then went to my manager to find out whether or not I was in the wrong in this particular situation (instead of fuming about it all day and trying to sweep it under the rug, in case they went over my head with it). Turns out there were steps I or my coworker could have taken that we didn't, let's just put it that way. The details are not important. At any rate, I think I handled it pretty well, even though there was a lot of tension going on throughout the day. The horoscope goes on to say: "Remind yourself of the skills you possess and the work and dedication you’ve put into developing them. If you do receive criticism today, you might consider taking it as constructive feedback. Absorb the information that is helpful and discard the rest."

Sounds like a plan...and that's what I did. Good to know that I instinctively do these things. I knew that if I didn't address my own role in it and forget about how angry I was that my coworker had yelled at me over the phone, then I would gain nothing from the scenario. So that's what I did.

Then, I left work, the second I could and met Karishma at Union Square. We were talking about going to the UWS (okay, okay for all you non-New Yorkers, The Upper West Side), but I randomly suggested we do the Roosevelt Island Tram since Karishma never had. So we grabbed the N Train up to 59 Street Lexington Ave. and walked one block over to the tram. I took loads of pictures. This is the same tram that Spiderman saves Mary Jane from falling out of at the end of I can't remember which Spiderman movie. It glides along beside the Queensboro Bridge (also known as the 59th Street Bridge, Feeling Groovy?). Here are the pics:

Roosevelt Island and Other Stuff_1

After that we walked to 73rd and York Ave. to grab Mexican food at this little hole in the wall called Palazio Azteca that I've eaten at with my friend Matt before. Great stuff. The place is BYOB but luckily there's a little bodega two doors down so we grabbed a tall Corona Extra and brought it in with us.

So, our bellies full, and the weather beckoning we considered going to the Upper West Side anyway, since we were on the Upper East Side and all we'd have to do is traverse the width of the entire island. No small feat so we settled for walking to Central Park and sitting on the Great Lawn and watching the softball games finishing up and the players trickling off the fields.

Such a great night for a walk. And now I'm exhausted and I need to sleep. But first I gotta make a sandwich.

A long week and productivity abounds...

It makes me feel good that a) I just finished off a 6 day week, waking up at 430am for five of those days, without keeling over and dying, and that b) I get to follow up a blog about writer's blog with one about how I just made great strides on the most recent film score that I'm doing. Yes, I just spent the last three and a half hours, toiling like a madman on two out of the three pieces for the film that I'm doing now. They're done. Yep. Done. May need some polishing once I send them to the producers for input. I have one more to polish off and hopefully, I can get some of that done tomorrow. Because next week is just as crazy. I went from having no shifts to picking up five extra shifts at NY 1 so I'm not as worried about money next month as I was. Since I'm working so much, the apartment is a bit of a mess but I feel pretty productive in general as of late. I got my NY State license in the mail, so now it really feels like I'm a NYer. I bottle my beer tomorrow, if all goes to plan. I managed to make it down to the homebrew store after all and bought a bottle capper, the last essential piece. Tomorrow, Mike's probably going to come over in the morning and we're going to take care of it. It helps to have an assistant or two so you can form an assembly line and make the process go smoother. Plus, it's fun to have friends help out. I've been cooking a lot lately and marveling at my ability to shave dollars off of my monthly grocery bill. I can't wait to take this new found success in frugality a step further by sharing a place next year. Cheaper rent is a dream of mine.

All that stuff aside, I'd say it's been a pretty good week overall. And a good month at that. Things are coming together in a lot of ways and it makes me (as I've said before) quite content to let things unfold as they will. I still do get those mini freak outs where I wonder when I'm going to stabilize job wise and when I'm going to get my social life to a point where it feels effortless. But it's much easier nowadays to take a step back and realize that a) things aren't going that bad, b) even if they aren't perfect, would I want them to be? and c) when things aren't going my way, I should just ask myself, what's so special about my way anyway? Perhaps the way the universe plans for things to happen isn't so bad. Of course it isn't.

That having been said, I just looked up and discovered that things are indeed becoming effortless as far as social graces and I'm meeting more people at work, becoming more comfortable in my surroundings there and, even outside of work, I'm having more and more fun, more and more often with my new friends up here, both the poker crowd and the people I'm meeting at the Unitarian Church.

Job-wise, as I said, I picked up more shifts at NY 1, got called about a shift at CNN and just confirmed with Joel (ran into him randomly in downtown Brooklyn) that he will definitely still need me for a 16mm film shoot two weekends in September in my neighborhood of Sunset Park. It's for a narrative he's putting together, a short version of a feature length screenplay he wrote. Should be fun. Oh, and there are a ton of films in production right now that will need background actors so I will be scouring craigslist and my casting agency's website for postings.

Anyway, I've been sitting in front of this computer for about four hours now and I want sleep. It's been a long week.

Writer's block...

I lied. I have time to blog this week. And lots on my mind. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be sleeping though. I had a good run of it yesterday, managed to sleep at 10pm...but only by getting in bed at 830. I napped today so I'll have no such luck with that tonight. And I've accepted it. So I cooked dinner while polishing off the Ren and Stimpy DVD extras on the DVD I got from Netflix, showered and now I sit, drinking a beer and typing this blog.

Tomorrow, Karishma's and I are hanging out for the first time since she got back from Greensboro and then afterward maybe I'm meeting the filmmakers, hopefully, because we didn't get a chance to meet today...might even have to be Thursday. We haven't square that away. I'll have to do all this sans nap. It's strange. I know if I put in the effort to try and get on a decent sleep schedule (all I would have to do is resist napping and go to sleep ridiculously early one day and then repeat every day this week) but half of me has this aversion to doing so. Not just because it's comfortable to nap but I feel like it'll really mess me up or something. I'm more than likely wrong but for some reason, yes, I'm not in bed when I could be reading and winding down. But yes, things on my mind, oh yeah, I was getting to that.

On the topic of music, I think I'm having a bit of writer's block. Granted, I have been writing for these films but stuff like that is easier than writing my own stuff. You have a motivation to write (not like a deadline, I mean like you have something to inspire your creativity). It's easy to score to a picture because you already have what emotion the music should evoke (or rather assist in evoking) and you already know (most of the time) what the director wants, more or less. In writing my own stuff, there's a whole slew of questions that no one can answer for me and I must answer myself. For instance, what is my impetus, who is my audience, why am I writing?

Answering these questions can be like answering what is the meaning of life. The answer is important to everybody but in the end, it has to be your own answer or it won't be real.

It's not like I don't have ideas though. I have a myriad of unfinished ideas. Big ideas. Ideas with orchestras and me conducting, ideas with poly synths and guitar tracks, drum tracks and bass lines. Melodies. Chord progressions. I've talked about this before in a prior blog about compositional sophistication but making all those ideas into music is the hard part. If being a composer was sitting around improvising all day long and not writing a single note down, I'd have it made. If I had software that could take my every thought and turn it into a recording and then just go ahead and market it for me, I'd also have it made. But no one has written such a piece of software, and I hope they never do. It's already too easy to create music. My problem is, and I'm going to name it here in the hopes that that will help me to solve it, that I'm building up in my mind the actual process of composing, from writing down the initial ideas to sculpting it all into something coherent and consistent, to the point that sitting down to do the first bit is so harrowing I almost can't bear it unless I have a good three to four hours of time to devote to it. And I rarely have that until my days off when I'm exhausted from work. Excuses excuses. Shut up Tim.

I know what I need to do. I need to be okay first with doing things one thing at a time. Sit down and write down, for my own benefit, the steps that I need to go through to take an idea and launch the process. Then when I sit down it's not about getting the whole composition completed in one sitting but about singular tasks. My composition teacher had a word for this, well two words: compositional plan. Sounds ridiculously rudimentary and painfully obvious. Because it is. You can't build a building without drawing up a schematic, or several. You can't write a piece of music without first structuring it and taking it one step at a time. It's just as important as it would be if you were building something that people will eventually live and/or work in to take your time. Not that your piece of music could collapse on top of the people listening to it and kill them...I should hope not.

Anyway, point being, I think, when I'm done with this next film, I'm going to really sit down and plan out every one of these ideas I have and get going writing. It's time.

It's also time to sleep. Another long day of media ingest tomorrow. Good night.

Blurb #11

I'm going to have a busy week with work at 6am and I'll probably be too tired to blog much unless something fantastic happens. Just a quick heads up then for the start of the week. Film shoot never happend this weekend, but tomorrow night I meet with the producers of the new film I'm doing. I'll leave with some insight on what direction they want me to go with the music. Beyond that, my beer is going to need to be bottled at some point. It went through the fermentation process rather fast so now I need to scramble to find myself a bottle capper. Bye for now!

Scroll down past the computer talk unless you care...

I need a break from trying to work on this scene. My computer's been acting up recently and I'm a little disheartened by it. I put so much time and energy into building this computer last year and it was supposed to be a brick. It was supposed to be able to handle all of this software I'm using on it and not crash on me. And yet, I'm just having so many problems lately. And I hardly have the time to trouble shoot them so I've just been dealing with it.

Here are the specs for those who care and know a little about it: Asus M2N-MX SE Plus mother board, 4 GB of RAM, a 2.61Ghz AMD Athalon 64 bit dual core processor, and I'm running Windows XP 64 bit. I also have a Creative SB Audigy Soundblaster sound card.

I've been having problems where I'll occasionally hear a crackling in the speakers on start up and sometimes when running audio programs that use a lot of processing power. I thought I had a conflict between the sound card on the mother board and the one I installed in the PCI slot but I don't want to go messing around in the Bios to try and shut down the one on the mother board if I'm not entirely sure that's the problem. It could be anything else. I seemed to somehow have resolved it by getting rid of a component that was opening on startup, something called Realtek HD Audio, which I know came packaged with the sound card I installed (I got it years ago for another computer and just moved it to this one and updated the drivers). But occasionally, I still hear it. Mainly when the processor gets really taxed. (I should also mention that I run the audio from my audio and synth software through my Tascam US-122L Audio/MIDI interface to cut down on latency from the MIDI software especially...I still run Windows Media and system audio through the sound card though).

Now, the main problem is that this new software I have sometimes is pretty processor intensive but I was under the impression that my processor could handle it. But I've been having crashes lately when I try to edit while the program is playing back audio and sometimes just whenever I try to run video in Sony Vegas, which I never had big problems with before. Now, the obvious first thing to check is that I don't have other background programs running that might also be taxing the processor simultaneously. I can't see that there are. Maybe I had Firefox open and Windows Media and for a bit there my task manager showed that something related to google talk was using up a chunk of RAM.

But I'm at a loss. I guess this is the life of a PC. Occasionally you have these idiopathic things that don't happen often enough to really indicate what the big problem might be. They only occur long enough to annoy you and then the thing runs great for a period of time.

At any rate, I do have other things on my mind besides the health of one of my investments. I found out today (and this was my suspicion all along) that CNN really is too good to be true. My boss informed me that I'd be coming in on an as-needed basis and that they didn't have any freelance work right now. I had half-expected that because it's just what one gets when one boasts a little about something and I'm not going to lie. I did a little boasting...or maybe it was just a little well deserved patting on the back. Either way, I let my guard down and relaxed for a second and got a little ahead of myself, counted my chickens before they hatched, as it were.

At any rate, as I've mentioned before (in so many words), there's nothing like a long stretch with nothing to do but think (like a train ride...or a long day at work with a lot of down time) to set your mind right. I decided I'm not going to do the easy conventional thing and lie down and start being negative about it. That's comfortable and sort of a cop out. I need to get creative. Then something occurred to me that's right under my nose. I've succeeded in taking advantage of connections up here more than I realize and there's no shortage of those. I should worry more about making as many connections as I can now while I'm actively seeking jobs because that can only serve to help me down the line, should I ever become unemployed again. And it's always nice to be able to pass on connections to friends, too. Besides, as much as I'd like to have a full time job and security, my mother said it best, this schedule lets me work on my music a lot more, and it allows me the leeway to work a bunch of different jobs (where they're available) and make a lot of different connections. Besides a foot in the door is a foot in the door no matter in what capacity I'm working there.

So, I'm slightly crestfallen, but not defeated. No, never defeated. The funny thing about accomplishing your goals is that the more of them you have under your belt, the less likely you are to give up the rest of them in the face of adversity. You can more easily tell yourself that, hey, you've done it before, why not again?

So there's your pep talk for the evening. I gotta get some rest, one more shift at CNN tomorrow and then it's a whole lot of uncertainty about when I will work there again. We shall see. I leave you with a Bela Fleck and the Flecktones tune that is running through my head and kind of fits the situation.

Trouble and Strife