Scroll down past the computer talk unless you care...

I need a break from trying to work on this scene. My computer's been acting up recently and I'm a little disheartened by it. I put so much time and energy into building this computer last year and it was supposed to be a brick. It was supposed to be able to handle all of this software I'm using on it and not crash on me. And yet, I'm just having so many problems lately. And I hardly have the time to trouble shoot them so I've just been dealing with it.

Here are the specs for those who care and know a little about it: Asus M2N-MX SE Plus mother board, 4 GB of RAM, a 2.61Ghz AMD Athalon 64 bit dual core processor, and I'm running Windows XP 64 bit. I also have a Creative SB Audigy Soundblaster sound card.

I've been having problems where I'll occasionally hear a crackling in the speakers on start up and sometimes when running audio programs that use a lot of processing power. I thought I had a conflict between the sound card on the mother board and the one I installed in the PCI slot but I don't want to go messing around in the Bios to try and shut down the one on the mother board if I'm not entirely sure that's the problem. It could be anything else. I seemed to somehow have resolved it by getting rid of a component that was opening on startup, something called Realtek HD Audio, which I know came packaged with the sound card I installed (I got it years ago for another computer and just moved it to this one and updated the drivers). But occasionally, I still hear it. Mainly when the processor gets really taxed. (I should also mention that I run the audio from my audio and synth software through my Tascam US-122L Audio/MIDI interface to cut down on latency from the MIDI software especially...I still run Windows Media and system audio through the sound card though).

Now, the main problem is that this new software I have sometimes is pretty processor intensive but I was under the impression that my processor could handle it. But I've been having crashes lately when I try to edit while the program is playing back audio and sometimes just whenever I try to run video in Sony Vegas, which I never had big problems with before. Now, the obvious first thing to check is that I don't have other background programs running that might also be taxing the processor simultaneously. I can't see that there are. Maybe I had Firefox open and Windows Media and for a bit there my task manager showed that something related to google talk was using up a chunk of RAM.

But I'm at a loss. I guess this is the life of a PC. Occasionally you have these idiopathic things that don't happen often enough to really indicate what the big problem might be. They only occur long enough to annoy you and then the thing runs great for a period of time.

At any rate, I do have other things on my mind besides the health of one of my investments. I found out today (and this was my suspicion all along) that CNN really is too good to be true. My boss informed me that I'd be coming in on an as-needed basis and that they didn't have any freelance work right now. I had half-expected that because it's just what one gets when one boasts a little about something and I'm not going to lie. I did a little boasting...or maybe it was just a little well deserved patting on the back. Either way, I let my guard down and relaxed for a second and got a little ahead of myself, counted my chickens before they hatched, as it were.

At any rate, as I've mentioned before (in so many words), there's nothing like a long stretch with nothing to do but think (like a train ride...or a long day at work with a lot of down time) to set your mind right. I decided I'm not going to do the easy conventional thing and lie down and start being negative about it. That's comfortable and sort of a cop out. I need to get creative. Then something occurred to me that's right under my nose. I've succeeded in taking advantage of connections up here more than I realize and there's no shortage of those. I should worry more about making as many connections as I can now while I'm actively seeking jobs because that can only serve to help me down the line, should I ever become unemployed again. And it's always nice to be able to pass on connections to friends, too. Besides, as much as I'd like to have a full time job and security, my mother said it best, this schedule lets me work on my music a lot more, and it allows me the leeway to work a bunch of different jobs (where they're available) and make a lot of different connections. Besides a foot in the door is a foot in the door no matter in what capacity I'm working there.

So, I'm slightly crestfallen, but not defeated. No, never defeated. The funny thing about accomplishing your goals is that the more of them you have under your belt, the less likely you are to give up the rest of them in the face of adversity. You can more easily tell yourself that, hey, you've done it before, why not again?

So there's your pep talk for the evening. I gotta get some rest, one more shift at CNN tomorrow and then it's a whole lot of uncertainty about when I will work there again. We shall see. I leave you with a Bela Fleck and the Flecktones tune that is running through my head and kind of fits the situation.

Trouble and Strife

Slight disappointment followed by uplifting pep talk

Harrowing as this is, I reminded myself on the train ride home from Brooklyn that I'm built out of stronger stuff and that this is actually the time of my life. That having been said, the broker was a slight disappointment. Mainly because I was going on the assumption that my experience would be identical to Karishma's. We weren't even looking for the same type of apartments. She was after a two bedroom for her and her friend. I put on my list studios and one bedroom apartments between $800 and $1000 a month and narrowed my search to a few nice neighborhoods in Brooklyn. The only neighborhoods with studios that cheap just happened to be Crown Heights and Kensington. Of the two Kensington apartments, one was unavilable tonight and the other was anti-Penelope. Not a good way to be if you want to be my living space. So we blew off Kensington altogether for this evening.

My agent was laboring under the peculiar delusion that I owned a car. I laughed and said I didn't have one. So, we took the subway from Eastern Parkway (which she informed me was the first parkway in America) over to Crown Heights and viewed two separate apartments, one a studio and the other, something she called a junior one bedroom. This translates to small as a closet with a stove. I wish I had taken pictures. The second place was much more open, yet it was a studio with no partitions between the living spaces, truly one room to live in. The kitchen in this apartment was smaller than a walk in closet, so small you couldn't open the cupboard below the sink without hitting the stove. Counter space? Fuggedaboutit!

Most people will hear me talking like this and say, "That's New York." And they're right...but this was really small for a kitchen. Really.

The first place, the landlord was reluctant to allow cats so he was charging a $500 pet fee, the other was down with the feline vibe but wouldn't pay the broker fee. As far as rent goes, the junior one bedroom was $900 and the studio was $1050.

New York apartment hunting maxim #248: "If you want space, get a 2 bedroom and a roommate."

The lesson I feel I've learned this evening is this: Not to box myself in. At first, I was all: "Room share makes more sense for now, then when I know more about the job I can move again into something more me." Then, it occurred to me that moving twice in less than a few months is absurd. So, I'm thinking broker is the way to go and they'll get me sorted out real quick. Now, I'm thinking I need to swing back the other way towards the center, towards compromise. Living alone was lovely, living alone was practically transcendent compared to the host of roommates I've had since college (including my ex). Yet, to completely rule out that possibility at this point is to, what? Box myself in. Boxing myself in leads to the feeling of claustrophobia. Leads to the feeling I had on the train as I left the broker behind at the Franklin Ave. stop. Good thing it was a long train ride. There's nothing like a long train ride to both rest your aching feet and to clear your head and get some perspective.

Breathe Tim.

So, when I get home I have an email from someone on craigslist telling me he'd love to have me come over and see his apartment.

And while talking to Karishma, the idea came up to go ahead and get a two bedroom and then try to find a roommate over craigslist or through friends. That way I can do the weeding out based on whoever calls me. With Rapid Realty, you only have to pay the deposit to get it off the market. Then, I'd have time to secure a roommate who could help me with paying broker's fee and first month's rent. It's not a bad idea. And that also just happens to be the key to not despairing anyway: realizing that no matter what the situation, you have more options than you think.

Anyhow, I leave you with yet another picture of a church up around Columbia University. This is St. John the Divine on Amsterdam and Cathedral Parkway (110th st.). I went there to meet a friend in the afternoon at a place across the street from where this picture was taken called Hungarian Pastry Shop. It was nice. I love this city. It's so vivid and cultural. And boy was it windy today. And my legs are killing me from all of this walking. Those were my final observations. Now I'm going to go sleep.