But now, I'm so excited about leaving that I don't think I'll be able to sleep very well tonight. I took some Valerian root so maybe I will but we'll see. I don't fly until 2:50pm which should give me plenty of time to either sleep in, or wake up early and pack and repack a dozen more times. There are two suitcases on the floor of my bedroom packed to the brim and I'm sitting here still wondering what I'm going to miss/forget/need/not need etc. The cat's on the list of what I'll miss.
Here she is sitting on my suitcase asking what the F@#$ is going on. Soon, my dear, soon, you'll be moving up with me. She's not going to like the 9 hour car ride, I can guarantee that.
I'm trying not to think too hard about all that yet, because so much has to be decided first. Where I'm living, how I'm moving, when I'm moving, etc.
But beyond all of this, as I spend my last night in Raleigh, I'm thinking about how incredible it is to finally be doing this. Not just to be finally doing it, but that I stuck to some plan and saw it through. When I left college back in 2003, I had no plan. I didn't even know what the hell I would do for a job until after I changed my mind about studying for a year in France and knew I'd be staying in Raleigh. I was honestly just thinking I'd get married and that was it. Ha! Then I figured, with a media degree, I ought to work in television rather than film, but I had no idea how to get in except a barrage of badly written cover letters. This time, though, well before graduation, I knew where I'd be going even if I didn't know exactly how to get there. It feels so much better this time around.
When I got to thinking about how it's going to feel to leave from the airport tomorrow, I actually was reminded of a time in 2003 when I was at the airport leaving for a whole different destination. I was headed to the west coast to be a teaching assistant for a course through Duke University's TIP program, a two week film-making course for high school juniors and seniors. I was so eager and excited, one, to be getting out of Raleigh, two, to be going to Los Angeles after having finished a degree in film and three, just basically to be setting out on an adventure at a young age all by my onesy. How cool, right? Well, hungry as I was to prove myself to the world, I was still too wet behind the ears and I wound up coming back and getting smacked with the real world, realizing that I had all of these responsibilities waiting for me. I gave up the France study abroad trip to stay in Raleigh and get married, which meant I had to get a steady job. Why in the world I was so eager to get married so young when I was so interested in a career in film is still a mystery that I've decided to stop beating into the ground. Perhaps I didn't want it bad enough. I really didn't even know what I was up against then anyhow. But now, I most certainly do want it and I most certainly do know what I'm up against. I feel alive in a way that I almost did when I was setting off for LA almost 6 years ago. Undoubtedly, this time will be different. I'll have a lot to write about and hopefully, I'll keep it current and update often. But I promise for the sake of those who just want to know what's going down, I will only write interesting stuff up here. None of that, "I took a walk today and bought a hot dog" stuff. Unless there's some interesting story involving those hot dogs. I guess hot dogs are a bad example because I will probably do my best to avoid hot dogs from street vendors.
I should go to sleep. I really should. Wish me luck tomorrow. I'll blog again when things slow down.
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