Having a bit of a morning in the afternoon...

I'm not going to lie, it hasn't been easy. I know I sounded positively chipper in my last post but things feel different when you wake up and for some reason decide it's a good idea to list the things you can never have again...Then I just started thinking, maybe I'll ask my nutritionist what her opinion is on slipping up. I mean, I imagined myself, like all those old people who start smoking because they know they're going to die, an old man in his 60s or 70s starting to slip up and drink beer, eat pizza and baked goods and moderately splurge on every wheat contaminated item I've been denied all my life in the name of not having horrendous symptoms or getting stomach cancer.

The symptoms I could almost live with because they haven't been that bad, the IBS stuff is pretty much under control...the stomach cancer risk, though...no thanks. But honestly, I've read all these articles talking about how little gluten is left in beer after the fermentation process and about how oats are contaminated with small amounts of gluten for being grown on fields adjacent to wheat. How much is a little bit of gluten here and there going to hurt me? Could it be equivalent to the amount of second hand smoke I came in contact with drinking in all those bars in NC during college? Probably not near as much! And where's my lung cancer? Far off hopefully.

The truth is it's heartbreaking as a self-confessed foodie, life-long lover of variety (the spice of life) and not to mention beer enthusiast and recently homebrewer, to not be able to partake of this:

Joe's Pizza on Carmine St. in the Village
Magnolia Baker on Bleeker Street
Beer, including but not limited to, Guinesss, Smythwicks, Samuel Adams, anything Belgian, anything brewed by Big Boss Tavern in Raleigh, creative microbrews in general
Chinese dumplings, specifically Vanessa's on 14th Street near Union Square
Pasta
Bulgur Wheat, including tabouli
French baguettes for crying out loud!
English Muffins
Bread that isn't dense and crumbly
Oatmeal that I don't have to search far and wide for a variety that isn't contaminated with gluten
Beer (I know I already said that)
Did you know that scotch and bourbon are distilled from grains? Crap!
Hamburgers from Shake Shack on account of the bun
Hamburgers from anywhere on account of the bun
Soy sauce for my sushi (yes, believe it or not, they use wheat to ferment most commercial brand soy sauces)
Cookies from Amy's Bread in the Chelsea market
Bread from Amy's Bread in the Chelsea market
Banana pudding with vanilla wafers
Oreo effing cookies
Cookies in general unless they're wrapped up in plastic with a gluten free label and cost $3.99 for two
Did I mention pizza?
Crackers (at least most crackers)
Croissants!
Spanikopita
Anything with pasta in it (still haven't tried gluten free pasta but at this point, who cares?)
These little fried dough things called flippers that my mom makes every Christmas morning
Pie! Holy crap, pie! I just thought about pie. Thanksgiving will never be the same without it.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, stuffing!

All right, I've gotta stop this. Do you see what I mean though? I have to talk to the nutritionist and get some answers. F M L.

I should get going on my day, busy one. I will find an apartment today though, I almost guarantee it. Later on folks.