Discouraged, I am not...

Discouraged.  That's what I'm trying not to be right now.  I've had a couple of hits in a short amount of time and I'm trying to turn my mood around because, after all these years of plugging away at this, I realize that it does me no good to dwell on negativity. 

An exercise then.  To list what's bothering me so I can go ahead and decide how I'm going to deal with it all.  First off, my mandolin somehow broke itself while sitting in its gig bag on the floor beside my bed.  We use it on an acoustic version of one of Lacy's songs and we may have to perform said version at an impromptu show next week.  I'm sitting here hoping I can find one to borrow because I do not have the money to replace it and will find out tomorrow if I have the money (and the time, for that matter) to fix it.  My day starts out kind of wonky and several tiny things get under my skin while making breakfast and while heading to yoga, to which I was late because the train sucks.  On top of that a fairly new pair of boots I have been trudging around in broke today.  We're talking two months old pair of leather boots, salt stained from walking over snow and ice-treated sidewalks and streets that I bought on sale for $40, and the sole underneath the right heel cracks and breaks apart from the uppers and I'm walking crooked for the rest of the day.  It's true that I go through shoes a lot more quickly now that I walk everywhere but two months is absurd.  Add on top of all of that, that I finally got around to listening to the competition for that remix contest I entered tonight at work and everyone sounds amazing compared to me.  I feel like I'm standing naked in front of thousands of people who have on really nice tailored clothes. 

And all I have at the end of it all is a gluten free beer and a cat on my lap to comfort me...oh, and the promise of money from the government in a few days in the form of my tax return, which isn't going to come anywhere near paying off my credit card debt, especially considering I now need a new pair of boots and possibly a new mandolin.  I really want to crawl inside a cave right now and hibernate for the rest of this bleak winter until the sun returns. 

But, I realize that this is detrimental thinking.  I can't get discouraged.  No, this is supposed to be an awesome year.  I just picked up a freelance job at TruTV and will hopefully be starting in March, I'm able to afford gluten free beer, my cat still loves me, I'm still making music and learning tons from the people I'm up against in that competition and elsewhere, getting closer to finding my niche even.  I can still get voice over jobs and, though I sometimes can't tell, I'm getting better at it, I think.  Boots and mandolins are replaceable and sometimes fixable.  Life goes on.  And besides.  This shit day ended about 30 minutes ago.  And next week, there's a strong possibility that I'm going to rock the eff out.  In Philly.  So with that said, I go to sleep and tomorrow welcome a new day...and none of this neg-head downer crap!