Not a failure...

Well, I didn't get it.  That documentary job.  I kind of prepared myself for this though.  And I'm actually quite relieved.  I have so much on my plate right now I wouldn't have been able to do well on any of it. 

Ultimately, after my third try at it, the producer told me that she and the editor really liked my music but, since they have a short time to work and get the right tone for the film they felt they should go with someone who had more experience with documentaries. I get it.  I wasn't a fit for the project.  I might have been able to do it and do it well but it would have been a lot of trial and error.  It's really my first time trying to work with a feature length documentary and, inevitably, I wasn't going to get it right the first time.  And they don't need someone who's going to not get it right the first time.  And since they're paying the person they have a right to feel that way.

It's a hard thing to come to terms with.  I'm trying not to see it like I botched a great opportunity.  Of course, there'll be others and all that stuff, whatever.  But, really a lot of the lessons I learned from this I could have intuited from my previous experience and what I know instinctively about the way music works in documentaries vs. narratives, as per my last blog.  This information was up there in my head but I didn't think to access it.  I got so excited I was getting this opportunity and I was so obsessed with proving I had a quick turnaround time that I don't think I really did give it my best shot possible.  And that's what's hard.  I'm a little bit disappointed in myself.  But I'll get over it.  It's just another lesson learned.  Not a failure.  Maybe it just didn't come at the right time and I should just feel good to have been considered at all.  I'll go with that.

Meanwhile, I'm about to dive back into work on the score for the sci-fi short.  That's coming along nicely and the director likes what he's hearing.  There's been a lot of back and forth and active discussion about what works and what doesn't, which, as I said before, I enjoy.  The process.  Working on that'll get my mind off things for a while and maybe I can destress a little after. 

It's my birthday next Saturday.  31.  I'm planning some birthday drinks after work on Friday and the day of my birthday, I requested off.  That night I have two tickets to see Mike Doughty at City Winery in Tribeca, about which I'm very excited but I have no confirmed date yet.  I've honestly been a tiny bit lazy about coming up with someone, just asking whoever's closest to me, and no one seems to even remember Soul Coughing!  I don't know yet what I'll do if it comes to the day of and I have no one to go with but I hope it doesn't come to that. 

I'll think about it I guess but for now I'd better get to work.