Stressed out...

I've been stressed out since I got back and I'm just now noticing it.  Stomach's off kilter, constantly feel like I'm about to be sick.  I find myself obsessing over goals and getting things done. The notion of financial stability, or some semblance thereof being so close, is driving me positively mad.  Things are feeling up in the air, unfinished.  I'm on the brink of several things career-wise and I'm just waiting for things to happen.  A part of me doesn't want to think they're a done deal until they actually are a done deal...so dealing with the wait has got me all twisted up.  And holy crap Celiac!  My freaking stomach already, wtf?!

Okay, I got that part out.  But honestly, haven't I been talking about breaking free and just working freelance for a while now?  I've always had a list of "do firsts" to accomplish before I would let myself make such a leap.  Things like financial stability, things like debts being paid off.

But then, there's always that notion that if I'm too comfortable I won't push myself hard enough to succeed.  My dad even said that to me to convince me to house sit and live rent free with them while I saved for the move here five years ago (yes, coming up on five years now).  I would have potentially gotten comfortable in Greensboro, had I rented an apartment and gotten a job there to save up for New York.  Living with them, I'd've been vastly more uncomfortable (in fact, I slept on a couch for the nine months I lived there) and the thought of moving out eventually and to New York would constantly have been tugging at me.  It was a highly compelling point then as it is now.

While I wouldn't characterize myself as particularly comfortable right now, the point is, yes, if I absolutely had to scrape together freelance music and VO gigs to cover the amount of my monthly expenses than I could probably would push myself a lot harder.  And I would basically have to keep going at it.  And I would also have loads more time to devote to it.  I've thought this countless times.  Only now, I think I would probably have a slightly easier time freelancing than at any point during the last five years.

This is all just stuff for me to think about.  I'm not making any moves next week or anything like that...but I do want to revisit it and really think it over.  It might have something to do, as well, with the fact that this article just popped up in my feed.