Okay, so I'm still thinking about that plan in the last blog entry...

I decided tonight that I'm going to stop looking at my situation as a disappointment that I can't do anything about. And start looking at it like this. I came to NYC, yes. But in many ways, I'm not here yet. So I shouldn't consider the experience of living here as though, I got to NYC and it's nothing like I expected and I actually hate it. This is just about where I'm living, where I call home. There are so many aspects of living and working this massive city that have shattered all of my expectations. But the place I live is not one of them.

Sure it's comfortable enough but, living in this neighborhood, I feel apart from everything, as though I were living in the suburbs. I thought about this tonight as I strolled through Sunset Park and it felt like I was in the South Garner Park of New York City. The neighborhood of Sunset Park feels to New York City what Garner felt like to Downtown Raleigh. But on a grander scale and therefore worse in some ways. The morons who litter and make noise and call each other "n____" and play basketball directly outside my apartment. The idiots who pulled up in a Lincoln Towncar last night and parked in front of my apartment(and I'm sure they'll do this again) and blared their Mariachi music while belting out the lyrics at the top of their lungs, all the while spilling beer out the side of their car and smashing the bottles on the pavement. (Yeah, I called 311 for the first time last night) All these, I'm sure, have some kind of counterpart down in Garner. I remember moving out of Garner to North Raleigh for similar reasons. There was domestic violence and after hours noise, etc. so we just broke our lease back then and moved on to better things. I don't intend on doing that here, breaking my lease, nor do I think I could.

Anyway, I've decided to look at my present situation as a step along the way instead of a dead end. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be far away from this shit. Nor do I think there's anything wrong with expecting things to be different in another neighborhood. I'm well aware that I may find some other things not to my liking in a new place, but, honestly, if I could wake up for once to my alarm and not to the person across the street, who has one of those warning beeps for reversing on his van, sitting with his car in reverse, the beeping incessant for about five minutes straight, then I'd be slightly more content with my situation. I could transcend all of this and agree that I shouldn't let it bother me as much. But then, well, you try it sometime. It's actually quite maddening.

So, the plans begin. I've got a little time to think calmly about how to most easily get out of here and to get advice from people who've sublet before. I've even got time to really take care with where I live next and whom I live with.

I suppose I could stick it out until March next year...but that's 7 months away. No thanks. I'll keep updating about this aspect of the New York Experience, the whole discontent with my living space. It's sure to raise some interesting stories. The basketball game is still not over and it's almost midnight. It's turning into a f@#$in' block party out there. Oh, save me from this.