Ideally...

I've realized that I really don't like my options at the local supermarket. Maybe it's because I'm a bit spoiled by the good quality cheap stuff at Trader Joe's but on days like today, rainy disgusting cold and windy days that is, days when I'm forced to shop in my neighborhood because my lack of interest in schlepping groceries on the train, I really feel sort of limited in what I feel comfortable buying at the local C-Town. It's all either bad quality for the price (I'm generally talking produce here) or just bad quality in general and then the variety is also slim, plus the store brand (historically cheaper than any name brand) is not great quality either.

Ho hum. Ho hum indeed. One of many inspirations to move to a much nicer neighborhood. If I lived in Cobble Hill or Boerum Hill I could walk to the Brooklyn Trader Joe's. If I lived in Manhattan, I could stop by the Trader Joe's on 14th Street on the way home from work.

In all honesty, I could have done much worse choosing the neighborhood I was to live in my first year in New York. In truth, my main criterion for a new place is going to be the price range. Hence my motivation to live with a roommate.

I was bound to make a few mistakes my first time around anyway. And that's half the reason I often write about these things. Perhaps someone else wanting to move to New York will see these musings and it may help them or it may just add to the cacophony of advice regarding the subject of moving to New York City. Either way.

Tonight, is the first snow of the season. And it's not even really that much of a snowstorm. It was raining most of the day and I hung out over at the Brooklyn UU's rummage sale and got coffee with friends afterward. Walked through it all day, toes soaking wet and chilled to the bone. Happened to be outside, having just mentioned the snow to my friends, when it actually started to switch over. It's not even properly snowing now. But I guess that's fine by me. It'll be sunnier tomorrow and then we'll probably get our first wallop of snowfall in the coming weeks.

And with that another test of my resolve to live in this fine city. Can I handle the winters? I grew up regarding snowfall as an occasional pleasantry. Something that came every few years and, if we were lucky, got us out of school. Here, the general attitude towards it ranges from moaning and groaning to all out dread of the event and it's ensuing inconveniences. Most people are hardened enough that, even when the temperature wanders back above 50 degrees F, they still wear their scarves and bundle up against the cold. As though, they'd rather be prepared for anything than risk leaving a potentially necessary article of clothing at home just because it's slightly warmer out.

I contrast this often with the mostly collegiate mentality of defiantly wearing flip flops in the winter time, not wearing jackets, or wearing them open, or just never really properly dressing for the weather. That always amused me. It's a curious thing to me but I think the fact that most can get away with things like that in the south is due to the fact that it's much more common to drive everywhere and, as a result, no one really spends that much time outside.

Here, I think I'm outside for at least an hour every day if not more. I often forget what it's like to own a car or don't really think about what it would be like to own one here until something happens like my parents' car getting broken into or my brother getting a parking ticket. I often do think about the expenses I save by solely riding the mass transit system and rarely even taking cabs. It's massive. My transportation expense adds up to about $90 monthly. To some that would only cover car insurance and certainly would not cover gasoline. Reason #234 for living in a place like New York City.

But I digress, and in this case, I ramble. I think I'm going to watch a movie I've seen a hundred times because I'm tired and feel like doing something mindless. Can you grant me that?

6 months...

6 months in New York City today. Well, yesterday. It all kind of hit me when I bought my metro card for the month on Thursday and realized it was my seventh one since I moved here. But I've been so busy I couldn't blog on the day of. It's funny when you look up after all you've been through and realize for the first time how far you've come. I kind of got into this in my last entry, feeling accomplished and finally satisfied with the pace of things even though I still can't see how this will all fall together. Anyway, the 6 month mark seemed like as good a place as any to pay homage to the fact that I have indeed come this far and might just go a little farther yet.

It's just been 6 days in a row of work (at both jobs combined, so no overtime, unfortunately). The weather has been amazing. Dry, mild, and windy. I wish I could send you this weather in a text message or something. Think of the warmest, sunniest day in September and raise the temperature two degrees. That's here, right now. The kind of weather you wish you could drink out of a tall glass with a few ice cubes.

At NY 1, there are plenty of parks in the vicinity to hang out in on my breaks. The Highline is one, Hudson River Park is another and I can even walk down to the riverfront and eat my lunch if I should so choose. Yesterday though, I had eaten lunch prior to my break so I just walked down to 7th avenue to a pizzeria near the corner of 15th and 7th, grabbed a slice of cheese pizza for $2.50, folded it in half and walked down the block back to the Hudson River Park on 10th Avenue, a favorite spot for business people, sunbathers and that bum that's always sitting at the corner of the park near 15th and 10th.

One thing that happens in six months in any new place is you start to get these little routines going. They're the backbone of your own stability and they sort of ground you and make you start to feel like you belong, like you get what this place is about and you're cool with it. I'm finding out little secrets as well. Things I'm sure other New Yorkers have noticed but don't tell anybody.

I was riding the D train in to work the other day and, somewhere between the Broadway Lafayette stop and West 4th Street, I looked up out the window of the train and where you usually see blackness or tunnel lights flashing by, I could see, on a track somewhere above us, another train running along side us. I knew it had to be the A, C, or E train since we were about to pull into West 4th street where both the blue lines and the orange lines connect, which meant the train I needed to connect to would be at West 4th street at the same time as the train I was riding. To connect from one train to the other I have to go up two flights of stairs and I'm never sure if I need to bother rushing up the stairs because I can never tell if the train will be there or not. That was before. Now, I have my little secret that I can look up between Broadway Lafayette and West 4th and see if the A, C, E train will be there at the same time as the D train...which could save me a good ten minutes depending on how long I have to wait for the next train.

At any rate, these little things like where to get a good cheap slice of pizza on my break and how to make sure I don't miss my train connection are starting to make me feel fully integrated into life on this little island. Who knows how I'll feel in a year. Beyond having steady employment that I can count on, I'm hoping to make my next move to a better neighborhood and apartment in a year so I think I'll focus on learning everything I can about the real estate in my ideal neighborhoods so I don't have to find some squatters hell hole in East Williamsburg or something. I have a good six more months to think about what I want out of my new living situation and to figure out how to go about getting it. And if those first six months went by so quick, it'll be no time at all before I'm looking again. Wish me luck.

Different kinds of work...

Wake up to NPR, Snooze once, turn over, crack spine twice, jump out of bed, throw on work out clothes, grab mp3 player and keys, walk out front door rubbing eyes, two blocks to sunset park and JOG! Come back do crunches and push ups, start day.

If I only I could start every day like this. On a random Monday morning seems a good day to reflect on the routine that I've developed since moving, or rather, I should say, semblance of routine. With my shift hours changing every day, it seems I can hardly call it that.

Though, it is nice to have a series of things in my life that I can expect to happen an almost daily basis, one of them being work. I have so many friends who are still unemployed or only partially employed like myself. Some of them are enjoying themselves to a degree but others are experiencing something ranging from minor depression to severe identity crisis.

Freelance work has a different character to it then anything I've ever known. Being employed full time with benefits is great because once you go through the initial vetting process and start getting along with all of your co workers, you can relax and become, god forbid, complacent. With freelance work, I'm finding, there's no room for complacency. Become complacent and the jobs stop flowing. It's almost like they never really do flow but they just have the illusion of flowing or not flowing because you're having to wade through them, constantly.

As such, I feel in a bit of a weird position working at NY 1 because I can see both sides: how nice it is to not have to think about (at least not as much or as intensely) if you'll work next week or not by being close to my co workers on a daily basis, and also how important it is to never stop looking for other work. On the one hand, boy, would it be nice to not have to think about my hours (or even health insurance) but I can see the complacency running rampant in that place. People just do their jobs because they have to and not because they enjoy doing it. Granted, I've been just as guilty as having a bad day and complaining about it (but honestly it's contagious. It's like you walk into that place sometimes and take a huge lungful of the negativity and soon, before you know it, you're breathing it back out all over the place. [Joelle told me I should use that analogy after I invented it, spur of the moment, during our chat last night]) But anyway, I speak as though I don't enjoy it there. Everyone has their ups and downs and I keep saying I'm determined not to join in the negativity, but on occasion, I do.

But meanwhile, I love the job because the boss is understanding of the freelancers plight and does all he can to get me hours when people call out, etc. And it can be fun. And there are some nice people there.

But then there's the other half of my freelance life, which has been quite meager and I'm pretty sure I'm to blame. I have so many opportunities in front of me, I don't know which one to grab at first. Technicolor finally calls me in for shifts that I can't always work (in fact, the first one I will get to work is at the end of this month). I keep missing out on opportunities for background actor work. I've been underestimating the jobs on guru.com until recently, it occurred to me to under bid for some of them and see if I can compete with the "gurus" up there. But then, I just found a site called Humtoo.com, a virtual marketplace for the exact kind of music I want to be writing and have written. So I'm signing up but with a certain wariness about it all, intellectual property rights being of the utmost importance to me.

I actually got thinking about copyright registration after I got the email from the guy in Arizona wanting to perform my piece. So, I have a lot of online paperwork type stuff to do in the next few days plus I need to finish recording for the film score. I didn't do any work related to that on my last three days off because of all my friends being in town. So I'd better go. Got laundry to do as well.

It's a beautiful day...

The parental units visited last night through this afternoon. Lots of impromptu fun starting with breakfast at Spring Street Natural Market with my cousin, then a romp from Soho up Broadway to Union Square stopping on the way in Grace Episcopal Church to hear Bach meditations on the organ. Apparently, it's every weekday from noon to 1pm. Pretty cool. Then, we shot back over to Brooklyn because my cousin hadn't seen my place yet, my mother wanted Brooklyn style pizza and I wanted to show them my view from Sunset Park. The pizza, by the way, was excellent. A little joint facing Sunset Park called Pizza by the Park Pizzeria. I'll be going back, plus, they deliver. Sweet.

This afternoon, after cleaning up a little, I went into the city to meet Karishma back at Union Square where we sat for a bit in the grass, just thinking about how great it's going to be living in the city now that it's warm out (I'm thinking Botanical Gardens and Bronx Zoo next week already). Then we strolled down to Astor Place looking for a bite to eat at this Japanese place (it was that or dim sum at a place on 14th street but Karishma won paper rock scissors). Unfortunately, it was too crowded so we agreed to wander back in the direction of the dim sum place and see if we didn't find anything cheap on the way. Eventually winding up back at the dim sum place we opted to try it out and I'm glad we did. Karishma had been before once and had said it was cheap and good. She wasn't kidding. $1.99 for 5 fried pork and cabbage dumplings, Miso for $1.99 and a sesame pancake sandwich with roast pork for only $2.99, bringing my total to $7 and some change for a pretty substantial meal.

After the meal, I expressed a desire to go to a dive bar and, on a whim once I spotted the L train stop we decided to hop under the East River to Williamsburg to hit up a place that Karishma knew. Not quite College Hill (Greensboro, NC) but it was a pretty okay vibe for a while. The louder the music got, the more I wanted to leave so, when we finished our beers, we hit the pavement again and wandered until we wound up back at this little French bakery called Fabiane's and sat for a while eating a pretty awesome chocolate cake and pondering different techniques for making eyes at people without being obvious.

I'm really finding that I actually kind of love this city. From the architecture in Soho and up and down Broadway to the hoards of people all out doing the same thing on a day like today (that being enjoying the weather) to the fact that I can just wander into a church and hear random organ music in the same day that I eat really good cheap dim sum and take a train under the east river for some good old fashioned dive bar fun. It sort of keeps things interesting. Even if I do have to live in Sunset Park for at least a year, half an hour away from work and on a block with some of the dumbest #@$%#$^%s in the world (they were loud again last night for no reason), and even if I do have to scrounge to get by until this stupid recession passes and I can get enough work to make ends meet until the composing career really takes off.

Even if I feel unfinished or incomplete in some areas of my life right now, I'm content. It's not even just because I can enjoy myself for free in the city. I'm aware that there are things that I want now but that if I spend my life wanting everything to be just perfect then I'll never get to enjoy all of this stuff that's happening now. At least not fully.

So, with that, I should go. I'm getting up at 8:30am tomorrow for work at 10.

Oh, I've seen this guy here before...

Something is piercing through the noise of my headphones in the West 4th Street station as I wait for the D. I yank one ear bud out of my curious ear to descry the source of this strange external sound which is not part of my music. A saxophone player is playing atonal jazz improvisations by himself on the platform. So, I said, "Oh, I've seen this guy here before" and placed my ear buds back in my ear and proceeded a few steps down the platform to escape back into my own more welcome cacophony of sound.

Have I been here long enough that the novelty of subway musicians is starting to wear off? I think so. Yet, it doesn't seem long. It also seems incredibly long. The change from where I was to where I am now was so gradual I had to have Karishma remind me how cool it was that I'm working at NY 1 now after I showed her my badge. Months ago, I used to while away the time working at News 14 thinking about the possibility of working here, thinking how cool it would be to work in their facility and to share a building with the famous Chelsea Market. All those months of dreaming about accomplishing all of this and now I'm here and I've almost forgotten to check and see if I'm still alive.

Why is it that we do this to ourselves? We spend so long wanting something only to move on to other stuff we'd also like as soon as we achieve, get, buy, become that something that we've wished for. Sometimes without even acknowledging that we've achieved something. Probably because we too often experience our life either looking back or looking forward, meanwhile missing out on everything that's here in the present, however fleeting that may be.

I was so busy wanting the next thing, full time employment, stability and the certainty of having paycheck so I could feel comfortable going out and socializing without worrying about not being able to afford any kind of social activity, wanting it all together and wanting it now, that I didn't realize that one of the things that I wanted for so long happened and I wasn't fully able to take it in and really relish it right away because my mind was full of so much other shit. I was so worried about it happening a certain way that the significance of it happening at all was almost lost on me.

Now, of course, I am, in fact, relishing it despite all the unfinished work I have to do. Granted, today my comfort level was boosted by adding up my hours for the month of May. I did a little math and saw that I will, without a doubt, be able to cover my rent and bills. Whew! There's still some things that could stand to be worked out but for now, I think I'm going to pledge to stay present and remember that I've achieved something, not necessarily to hold on to it, but to remember that this is what's going on right now and that all those other things, me worrying about my stability, those are not reality. Anyway, as long as I do the right thing and keep working hard, they should work out. Maybe not exactly as I want them to or exactly as I might predict, but they should work out nonetheless. Case in point being the current situation. Despite the fact that I fretted so hard over it all, I just went through the motions and did what I felt I needed to do and, wouldn't you know it, that was probably enough. All the extraneous worrying just gave me something I could talk to my relatives and friends on the phone about. This is the central truth that hit me today, things aren't going to work out as planned, ever. Not exactly. And being okay with this is probably going to make my life a whole lot easier in the long run.

By the end of all of this, I'm going to wonder why I worried so much and why I didn't just enjoy the present moment, the train ride over the Manhattan Bridge, having my own place again, the thrill of this city and the myriad of things to do, my view of Manhattan and the Statue of Liberty and even the more annoying of the subway musicians.

The real reason for my state of mind

Okay, so I didn't quite get out everything that was bothering me in that last blog, plus, I did find out today that my mini blinds shipped finally. I was so ecstatic I almost cried. It's pretty bad when you've been waiting so long that the mere prospect that the thing you ordered is in motion towards you will induce such glee. Speaking of things arriving in the mail. I just figured out the reason my Netflix movies haven't been arriving (which is another thing that has been bothering me). I logged into my account today to watch Heroes and I had a message saying my account was on hold because I had given them an invalid address. Huh? I went to see what mistake I could have possibly made in typing the address but there was no indication as to why my address was invalid. So I tried writing the apartment number on a separate line but that didn't take when I submitted it and they said that was an invalid address too. So I called them to sort it out, trying not to sound too annoyed because my phone had just dropped out again; something else that has been setting me off at times this week (I've lost several calls in the last week while sitting in my apartment, sometimes right next to a window) and contributing to my state of mind.

Also, while doing my errands today, I think I hit on another big thing that has been under my skin. Something that makes all of these other things seem rather small and like they wouldn't matter at all if I were in a different state of mind. I have been dealing with a little bit of loneliness and wanting more from this place in which I'm living now. I've found myself wishing that my NY friends were more available and that I could reestablish something resembling the old circles I had when in college and living in Raleigh. I can't even find a neighborhood bar around here without having to get on the subway. I did meet someone, as I may have mentioned previously, at Farah's party who lives in the neighborhood. I called her today and left a message and I've yet to hear back from her. It'd be nice to have some friend or friends who live right down the street that I could call up and have a drink with after work some day or something.

Not to sound like I'm complaining. For god's sake, I'm enjoying myself. I think I'm just lacking a few more creature comforts. I hope I wasn't spoiled by all I had when living in NC. But this seems like such a huge city that I should be able to find like minded people to socialize with.

Anyway, I've also been thinking that maybe now's the time for me to focus all my time on finding a job that will establish a routine. Maybe I just need to endure the loneliness for a few more weeks to months until I can really feel fully established. And that leads me to the big reason for the funk. Fun as this is and exciting as this is, I don't yet feel fully established. I mean, I never expected it to come right away. I knew there would be a period of transition.

And as down in the dumps as I might have felt earlier today, haunted by frustration and insecurities about the next few months, I couldn't help but smile about the fact that all I have to do is walk two blocks and I see this magnificent view of Lower Manhattan and New York Bay. You can even see the Statue of Liberty from Sunset Park.

As I sat in the park I could hear bells from the church on 4th Avenue. I bought some groceries at the Key Foods on 5th Avenue and schlepped it back to my apartment, all the while thinking that this is the lifestyle I was after all those years: A couple re-usable canvas bags full of fresh produce slung over my shoulder as I walked past the park on the way home, no car involved, turning my head every once in a while to try and glimpse the Empire State Building on the horizon through the web of ancient Sycamore trees and children skating in the park, parents and strollers, school children and ball games. This, is great.

Exhaustion

This is going to exhaust me. That or I'm going to eventually catch up. I didn't sleep a great deal Sunday night, nor last night. Last night the air mattress decided it wanted to deflate, so I woke up sunk down towards the floor, feeling a bit like I was in a water bed, at 4 am. Luckily, I had no trouble getting back to sleep. But I still feel tired today. I had this thought that what if this job sucks all my energy out? Of course, it's only the second day and I predict I will get into a routine and a rhythm with it and eventually it will be easy to not let it wear me out. But really, I spend about an hour and a half commuting, sometimes standing the whole way, and then briskly walking three blocks on either end, after having stood up for most of the day. What's important to me is that my evenings not be spent entirely on making dinner and vegging out in front of the television while resting my aching feet on the sofa. I don't even know if I'll have a television right away at my new place.

Point being, the next few weeks are going to have to be about finding a rhythm. So that I don't find out several hours after lunch that I didn't bring a big enough lunch and then have to take a detour on my commute home to get a snack or groceries or spend money on dinner out, all while maintaining a healthy space in my evenings for writing music and relaxing/socializing. It'll come with time. This week was bound to be difficult of course because I'm not settled in my own place yet. I still feel like I'm tip-toeing around this apartment, trying not to leave my dishes unwashed for too long, trying not to take up too much space in the living room, trying not to make a mess out of the bathroom, feeling slightly guilty about putting my feet up on their couch.

That having been said, I think I've made the right choice in living by myself. I had a slight pang the other day that I'd miss the company of my cousin and her roommate once I'm in my new place. That I'd miss having companionship and camaraderie. I haven't had that in a living situation in a while and, despite that fact that it's been a little bit of an adjustment for me, I have enjoyed having roommates to talk to every day about what's going on in their lives. I will enjoy leaving the dishes in the sink overnight, though, so I can relax in the evening or spend some extra time on that piece I'm working on or whatever. And I can invite friends over whenever. I have the space to accommodate at least two other people, maybe more. Some of the people I met at Farah's Oscar party live in my neighborhood and said they'd love to show me around. So, I already know I have one friend in my neighborhood. Karishma is two train connections away as well.

On the subject of the job though, I'm learning but I don't feel I'm learning (read: being shown) fast enough how to run the place. So tomorrow, I'm going to be assertive that they show me everything as fast as they can so that I can really learn the routine there and become a useful employee sooner. I keep thinking about how they still haven't made a decision yet so the impression I make on them is crucial at this point. I really want this job.

I think I'm going to go watch Monday night's episode of Heroes right now and contemplate missing DVR. Though, my broker did tell me that they can work out a free month of cable for me. I should look into that. Later for now guys.

Pictures of Astoria and an Adventure in Williamsburg

I went for a walk today around Astoria, mainly because I had to get out of the house. One can only do so much apartment hunting before actually hearing back from any potential roommates. As a rule, I've pretty much decided to stick with apartment ads that were posted today or yesterday, on any given day. That way, I don't risk wasting my time with something that might be taken already. I've found a good deal of them in Brooklyn, around Crown Heights, Prospect Heights and Williamsburg. Most of them, there will be one to two other roommates. One is a 4 bed, it looks like. I've only gotten one response and it was an email telling me to call to set up an appointment tonight. So, I called left a message and they called back while I was typing this blog. That was an awesome story, going to see that place. Read on.

I walked through Astoria towards the Tri-Borough bridge and into a little park called, fittingly, Astoria Park. There's a walking path that circles the whole path, a running track, a few tennis courts, an outdoor pool with a diving area, a stadium, several park benches and a view of the East River. The Tri-Borough bridge is seen here on the right. It was peaceful, though a somewhat gloomy day. There are some ugly houses facing the park but some are quaint in a way.


After circling the park and getting some shots of the East River and the like, I hiked down 21st street to 30th avenue and on over to the above ground train at 31st street. 30th avenue boasts that it is the heart of Astoria and has all manner of stores as well as the hospital and the huge grocery Trade Fair (like Fair Trade with dyslexia...sorry, no more puns, I swear). I've been down here a few times and have even gotten off one stop early at the 30th avenue stop once or twice. I'm getting the hang of the neighborhood but I feel in a week or two I may be getting the hang of a new neighborhood in Brooklyn. I went to Crown Heights on Sunday night to have dinner with Karishma at her place with her roommate and her neighbors. I like it. It's close to the train and a decent ride into the city (If you switch to the N or the Q at Atlantic Avenue, you cross the Brooklyn Bridge above ground).

Last night I actually went to Williamsburg for dinner near the Bedford avenue stop and then five more stops in on the L train to view an apartment that I might live in. It was quite the bohemian lair. Off of the Morgan avenue stop on the L, there is a huge industrial sector with a lot of old warehouses being turned into lofts. After finding my bearings I walked up to this place thinking, "No, absolutely not," but I had to check it out nonetheless. As I approached the place, I could hear drums and a bass guitar wafting out of a basement room and I could see into tall windows along the sides of each loft on either side of the street. I was buzzed in and the stairwell smelled like fresh paint, a smell I almost confused for urine. My potential roommate was waiting at the top of the stairs and led me in. The hallway opened up in front of me. Bright fluorescent lights, high ceilings, plain walls and a series of identical doors lining the hallway, faint noises of music and talking wafted in from other rooms. The place looked really gloomy at first. Her place was full of stuff, her two roommates sat on the couch watching you tube videos. A local artist's work adorned the walls. She later explained that they were the work of one of the people who owned the coffee shop below (did I mention there was a coffee shop below?) and she just needed a place to store them.

She seemed very nice. I might go so far as to say "cool." The story was, her current roommates, a couple, were moving out and that was freeing up two rooms in a 3 bedroom space. All of these lofts look different according to her, and the landlords let you do whatever you want to your space. Some leave them open, others split them into rooms. This was split into three bedrooms, of course, a living space and a kitchen with the bathroom right off the kitchen. There was a great deal of clutter in the apartment but it was mostly attributed to the two that'll be moving out. There was a cat there who looks astonishingly exactly like my dad's cat, only with one surprising feature that I've only seen once on another cat: double paws! He was very nice. His name was Nan. He chewed on my finger.

I was so torn because I know that I'm going to need much quieter and cleaner lodgings but the place was so cool. And by cool I mean unique and that the tenant that I'd be sharing the place with was a cool person. At another time in my life maybe, a time that has already passed. I wish I'd had my camera with me to show you the neighborhood. There were three big warehouse lofts in my eye sight on that street and there was even a quarry at one end of the street. I felt like I was in a scene from Fight Club, like where the house on Paper St. was and that Tyler Durden was going to come out of the wood work and ask me to hit him as hard as I could at any moment.

I got hit up for change on the way to the subway and decided that I wouldn't call her back. There'll be plenty of other people calling her and I'll have plenty of other places to choose from.

With that said, it's back to the hunt for now. I leave you with this picture of the streets in Astoria where 30th avenue and 30th street cross. There's a lot of funniness with numbered streets and avenues...then you throw in numbered roads and it gets even more confusing. 25th road crosses 25th street but not 25th avenue, which is in an entirely different part of town.