Prioritizing the mayhem...

I've been a bit frantic to get work and errands done on my two days off (I would have had three days off but I got called in to do some overtime tomorrow because a coworker is having family problems and you can bet I took those hours lickety split). I'm usually like this, not because I've become quite the work-a-holic these days (although that is a factor), but because I have so many things I'd like to do, on top of the myriad of things that I already have to do. Laundry, cleaning the apartment and groceries being the main three that come to mind immediately. As for things that I want to do, man, sometimes I just wish I could get 6 extra hours in my day...or at least be able to stay awake 6 extra hours without feeling tired. But don't we all.

Current projects and/or intrigues:

I'm working on the score for that NYU student's film. This is challenging for a few reasons. First, because I offered right off the bat to help him, not only with underscoring, but also with source music and end credits as well, two places where he would have used establish pop, hip hop or rock songs and then consequently not been able to show it anywhere outside of NYU. So, it's been neat for me getting the experience of writing three different styles of music for one piece that is only about 8 minutes long in its entirety. Second reason it's been challenging is that the producer of this film, a friend I've known for about 6 years now (mostly long distance), knows what he wants. I always respond to that by getting them in the same room with me and picking their brain apart about the film, once I've had a chance to dissect it and come up with my own questions about it. How prominent do you want the music to be? Any ideas about instrumentation? How does this sound here, does it come in too early, is it too intrusive, what if I put a piano chord here? Those kinds of things. It's almost like when they know what they want, you have to ask permission to put something in, because if it doesn't mesh with their expectations of the film, then they'll notice it and say, "what is that?!" Or something milder perhaps.

Beyond the film score, I've also been writing other music as well, slowly revamping the website, keeping up with the myspace profile by posting bits of my endeavors into writing for myself (and trying to get around to building a facebook fan page, and trying to figure out this site called guru.com where you can submit to freelance jobs), while simultaneously working on chamber music and amassing a list of festivals and competitions to submit to, (finished a piano piece the other day and I'm going to have my friend Brad look at it as soon as we get time)and, finally, keeping this blog.

The past few days, though, I spent a good bit of my time working on finishing up two out of the three cues I'm doing for Brian's film. I didn't quite get to the third cue. I had to sacrifice it to devote some attention to my other endeavors, the more recreational ones, because that's important to.

I've been reading a lot on the train, mostly books related to Zen and alternative ideas with regards to organized religions. (At night, I unwind with C.S. Lewis Narnia Chronicles, something distinctly Christian in its slant...funny.) Anyway, I made it up to the Brooklyn Public Library today to renew one book (The religious case against belief) and grab two others (Zen wrapped in Karma dipped in Chocolate and Nothing to do Nowhere to go) and then walk through Prospect Park to find a bench to sit on and skim the chapters of the above mentioned.

Around Town GAP and Prospect Park best

Trying to fit in a little more photography by remembering to take my camera with me on my daily romps has been hugely satisfying.

And I'm trying on top of all of this to work as full time as I can and socialize with the growing group of people that I've been hanging out with. Then there's people visiting over the next few weeks and then I leave town for the reunion. Add to that, the Time Out New York this week has a long list of all the free movie series and free concert series going on in the city this summer, my calendar is filling up.

This is probably the fullest my life has been in a long time but I must say, my head's about to explode. So, I've been thinking about how I can really fit all this stuff in. And I realized I can't. Every day, there's something that goes unfinished and I spend the last thirty minutes of the day thinking about what to prioritize for the next day. Or I spend it writing about how busy I am. But I'm cool with that. I think this is good practice. For one things, it forces me to be a lot more realistic about what I can and can't fit into a day. Instead of saying, I'm going to finish the film score in three days (I actually did say that at first), I decided I would get as much as I could do done but stop at a point so that I could get my other work taken care of. There was of course another shift towards doing less of it when I found out I had to work tomorrow. I usually devote a good amount of time on the "weekend" to cooking so that I can take meals with me to work, so having a shift tomorrow changed my priorities there.

Beyond actually trying to fit all of this stuff in, I'm realizing, still, that I can't always work non stop through a day without really stressing myself out. Sitting in front of this computer for long stretches can drive me mad sometimes...okay, often. So, if I need a break, I welcome one. The trip to the library and subsequent walk in Prospect Park was my release today.

And on top of all of this, I still try to remember to throw down my yoga mat every night.

Hope that you enjoy the photos. I should probably go for now.

Saturday

It's been quite a week just in terms of my outlook bouncing around all over the place, from excited or elated, to panicked and depressed. I started the NY 1 job on Friday with a half a day of boring HR orientation and another half day of sitting and watching the Media Ingest Operators do their job. I got to know a few of them and sort of got an overview of the job. Starting next week, I'm full time 8am-4pm, shadowing the day time guy. This should cover rent. Thank God.

But I'm quite honestly getting a little freaked out about the uncertainty of everything else. I did find out from Technicolor on Friday that they still are depending on me to be available soon when business picks up (when I contacted them to get employment verification documents forwarded to Time Warner corporate, i.e. NY 1, I got to chatting with my old boss over there. When I told them about NY 1, they seemed genuinely interested in finding out if I would be full or part time). But they still can't tell me with any amount of certainty when exactly business will pick up. They were able to tell me that the SAG strike is over and that the New York City tax incentive for filming has been renewed, two factors that would affect whether or not people will actually film in the city this year. But beyond that, they can't tell me when they will need me again, just that they will. I can only hope that the timing is just right.

After two weeks of full time training with NY 1, I will be back to sparser hours, hours yes, but all dependent on other employees taking vacation. So, if Technicolor got really busy in two weeks, it would be awesome as hell. Meanwhile, I apply. Mostly composer jobs and internships, a few recording studio and music company assistant jobs.

What a shit time this is. No one wants to hire anyone full time, if they're hiring at all, and if they're not hiring they're more than likely laying people off at an incredible rate. I keep hearing that the film industry is recession proof but I'm waiting to see evidence of this.

I hung out with three different groups of people this week (four if you count last night's romp around Manhattan), all of which were unemployed. I'm not talking about a few of my friends in these groups were unemployed. I mean every one of them were unemployed to some degree. It's depressing but at least we all have each other, even if we don't have any money.

I'm beginning to think this must be the craziest thing I've done in my life, moving up here without a job at a time like this. And here of all places. "If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere." Scoff. If I can make it here, I won't ever want to uproot myself again.

I've been reading a lot about Zen lately. One of the books is by Brad Warner, a punk rocker and monster movie enthusiast, who's edgy take on Zen comes off somewhat cynical at first. The title is "Hardcore Zen." There was a chapter that spoke of dreams (as in goals) in terms of our attachment to them.

"Suffering occurs when your ideas about how things ought to be don't match how they really are."

"The pain of having your dreams come true appears vividly when you realize that even if your dreams come true, they never really come true."

These spoke to my need to keep this all in perspective. Regardless of what happens, I can't get caught up in things unfolding exactly as I want them to. That's really the source of all my suffering through this period of my life. If I didn't have such big ideas about the way I wanted things to happen then, I might be a bit more transcendent right now.

As my loving sister put it, "What's supposed to happen, will happen when it's supposed to happen." I think that's comforting, in a way. But also frustrating. But again, the root of that frustration is my own ideas about how this should happen. No one ever gets life exactly right the first time and there's no one way to go about achieving your goals, only a myriad of ideas about what has worked for others.

So, frustrated and scared, though I may be, I think I'll make it through this if I just remember what Zen Buddhism has to teach and follow through calmly what I know I need to do. And that is wait...while also applying to as many jobs as I can find, trying new approaches when I find something might not be working, and remembering what my sister said.

Here's to uncertainty.














In the Grand Army Plaza subway station.

Buddha and Thoreau

I HAVE MINI BLINDS ON ALL OF MY WINDOWS!!!! And they're all the right size, too. It's been a long time coming. Now, I can relax. For a little bit. I'm still unemployed. I'm calling Technicolor back tomorrow and NY 1 should be calling me for a change. I've forwarded my resume to them after having called them again, three times now.

Anyway, I'm not going to be blogging about all that today. I was reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau while doing laundry today. I finally decided to read it since a copy of it fell into my hands several months ago (I can't remember when or where it came from). The man was a genius and apparently really Buddhist though he may not have realized it himself. Here's one choice quote that I picked up while reading:

"It is never too late to give up our prejudices. No way of thinking or doing, however ancient, can be trusted without proof."

Consider these similar quotes from Buddha:

"In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true."

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”

It's interesting to ponder that what we consider to be truth is often only so because we think it is the truth because we were told it or we read it somewhere. But to spend life believing only what we are told and what we read, leaving no room for speculation or abstract thought, must be a dismal existence. I like where Buddha and Thoreau are coming from here.